“A powerful glimpse into the trauma and abuse that forces young people to run to the streets. Their stories are a call for action to libraries, government, youth agencies, universities, parents, and volunteers to work together to solve this national problem.” —Pam Sandlian Smith, Public Library Association
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Provide a bravo launch for Over the Peanut Fence, a book aboutscaling barriers for homeless and runaway youth.Currently available on Amazon in paperback ($14.99) and on Kindle ($6.99) versions, it will find its way to other e pub sites and bookstores internationally in approximately three weeks. Help attract attention to youth homelessness by purchasing today and commenting on Amazon’s website.
My goal in writing this Over the Peanut Fence was to discover if psychological problems caused by early childhood abuse can be overcome. Four years of interviewing homeless youth, research into why they run to the streets, and studying interventions used by caregivers, gave me much to consider. The following Kirkus Review summarizes the book well.
“A blend of memoir and sociocultural commentary analyzes the problem of teenage homelessness. Eichinger had known Zach when he was just a child, the victim of his parents’ chronic “negligence and abuse. The author divides her book into several distinct parts: a remembrance of her experience with Zach; a reflection on the root causes of homelessness in the United States; a synopsis of the latest research regarding the functioning of a youth’s brain; an homage to organizations that make a positive difference; and two short stories that dramatize ways in which adolescents can be effectively assisted. While always pragmatic and rigorously empirical, Eichinger finds considerable cause for cautious optimism, especially given studies demonstrating the deep resiliency of youths’ minds to overcome their early traumas. The author’s account is lucidly written, both intellectually thorough and emotionally affecting. In addition, this isn’t a work of ax-grinding political partisanship—Eichinger prefers cool-headed analysis to grandstanding. Further, at the heart of her ‘part memoir and part storybook’ is a profound reflection on the ailing condition of American society, withering from the widespread disintegration of the family and the grim plague of ‘lovelessness.’ An astute and moving assessment of an urgent societal problem.”—Kirkus Reviews
Last week two articles about teens competed for my attention. One discussed lowering the voting age to 16 and the other was a scientific study of the brain saying that maturity is not complete until near thirty. What I read made me wonder about what level of brain development was necessary for 16-year-olds to vote. After reading this newsletter I do hope you will share your opinion.
Nancy Pelosi recently gave her support to lowering the voting age to 16. She, as do many others, says that 16 is the age when when interest in government is strongest. The National Youth Rights Association gives reasons why.
– Millions of youth are employed, volunteer, and assume adult responsibilities as care givers and financial contributors to their households. They pay taxes and have the right to drive a car.
– Adolescents are expected to follow the law but have no say in making it. 16-year-olds brought before the criminal justice system are tried as adults. Over 250,000 youth are incarcerated as adults each year.
– Teens form political action committees, manage campaigns, make donations, and advocate for rights. Greta Thunber, a 16-year-old from Sweden was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for organizing students in over 112 to tprotest against global warming. Parkland, Florida students challenged lawmakers to tighten gun control laws.
-Young people are good voters. In 2013, when Takoma Park, Maryland lowered its voting age to 16, 16 and 17-year-olds voted in greater numbers than 20 to 50-year-olds.
-16 and 17-year-olds care about issues that affect them and want politicians to pay attention to their concerns. They are hurt by demographic trends which overwhelmingly favor older voters. They see their future jeopardized by inadequate funding for schools, poor gun control and global warming.
– Adolescents shouldn’t be held to a higher standard than those over 18. In a democracy, it’s wrong to disenfranchise people because we disagree with them. Some Republicans worry that teachers are biased towards liberal ideas. Yet, civic classes are likely to teach youth how how to dig for truth and to analyze the pros and cons of issues.
Historically teens were considered adults. In medieval Europe, adolescents participated in apprenticeships and were expected to contribute to their family’s financial well-being. There are many examples of teen warriors. In 1212, children as young as 12 joined the Children’s Crusade. In 1340, Edward, Prince of Wales (The Black Prince) was 16 when he engaged the French army at Crecy. Joan of Arc as a teen inspired civilians and soldiers in Orleans, France to fight the English. More recently, in 2015, Jan Bowman-Davies, a 16 year old British captain helped his three man adult crew abandon ship as it started to sink.
Lowering the voting age has more support than many voters realize. Over 25 countries allow youth under 18 to vote. In the U.S., nearly half the states have tried to lower it. Legislation was recently introduced in Oregon to amend the constitution and lower the voting age from 18 to 16. If the bill passes, voters will decide to approve or disapprove during the 2020 election.
The above arguments favor lowering the voting age. Now, on to the adolescent brain.
According to Stanford Children’s Health, no matter how smart your teen is, good judgment is not something he or she can excel in. Recent studies show full maturity as delayed until thirty. To understand why, let’s look at how the adolescent brain develops.
The central brain along with the central nervous system develop during six major stages. The first four occur during gestation. The last two occur later, with growth continuing into adulthood. Maturity occurs from the back to the front of the brain. The frontal lobe (prefrotal cortex) is where complex decision-making, planning skills, impulse control, emotional reactions, focusing attention, and prioritizing information takes place. Its matures slowly during adolescence which is why many teenagers can’t access certain abilities until older.
During teen years the prefrontal cortex, begins to exert greater control, helping adolescents learn to think before they act. It handles higher-level cognitive abilities such as planning, solving problems, and making decisions. But, before the cortex fully matures, the amygdala, which controls emotions, is in charge. Teens with a large amygdala show aggression, fear and depression more intensely than adults.
Brain development is the root cause of adolescent behaviors that appear to be erratic.Some researches claim that adolescents are hardwired for risk-taking. In ancient times, that helped them deal with dangers in the wild. Today, aggressive behavior is more likely to translate into fighting or bullying, unsafe sexual behavior, alcohol or substance abuse, unsafe driving, and poor self care.
Compassionate, patient parents guide their children through the teen years and teach healthy coping mechanisms that satisfy the demands of the amygdala. For instance, the desire for emotional experiences can be satisfied with outdoor adventures, playing musical instruments, performing on stage, and even go-cart racing. Parents who jump in with advice or try to fix problems often make their teen less likely to trust them. They benefit when their parents show interest in what they are doing and are helped to overcome impulsive behaviors by being presented with facts and having discussions about possible consequences of their actions.
It is your turn to decide. I’ve not made up my mind. What do you think? Should the voting age be lowered to16? Please respond below. Your opinion matters.
Spillett,R (2015) The incredible moment Britain’s youngest ship’s captain, 16, calmly helped his adult crew abandon ship as the vessel started to sink in rough seas. Daily Mail. retrieved from CAPTAIN.
(2018) the Facts about Teen Brain Development. Newport Academy. retrieved from BRAIN.
Understanding the Teen Brain Stanford Children’s Health. (2018) retrieved from web site at STANFORD.
Adamson, A. (2016) Brains May Not Yet Fully Mature Until After Age 30. Tech Times. retrieved from MATURE.
Wnuk, A. (2018) When the Brain Starts Adulting. Brain Facts.org. retrieved from FACTS.
Touring Rotterdam/ Acrylic on canvas/ 30″ by 24″ / $495
Holland has robust multi-generational co-housing housing complexes that provide social, recreational and personal space for their residents.
The Estate Acrylic on canvas/29” x 41″/ $650.00
Mega houses for the wealthy fly in the face community needs for affordable housing. They are built in gated communities or on land that leaves the inhabitants isolated from the world around them.
Relational Worldview
According to social worker Terry Cross, there are two predominant world views, linear and relational. European and American cultures are rooted in the linear model based on the idea that cause comes before effect. To solve a problem linearly you identify it, treat it and observe the result. A relational model differs in that it is based on harmony. It views life as a continuous balancing act between interrelated influences that include the collective thinking of the culture. Its goal is to meet the needs of the community, not just the individual. The relational model seeks balance between four elements, context (culture, community), mind (cognitive and emotional processes), body (genetic, gender, condition, health), and spirit (learned teachings, metaphysical and innate, both negative and positive). Cross gives an example of how the model helps individuals.
“Death is an example of an event that threatens harmony. When we lose a loved one, we feel grief emotionally; physically, we may cry, lose our appetite, or not sleep well. However, spiritually, we have a learned positive response, a ritual, called a funeral. Usually, such events are community events, so the context is changed. We bring in relatives, friends and supporters. In that context, we intellectualize about the dead person. We may recall and tell stories about him or her. We may intellectualize about death or be reminded of our cultural view of that experience. Physically, we touch others, get hugs and handshakes; we eat, and we shed tears.
“These experiences are interdependent and play off one another in multi-relational interactions that, if successful, allow us to resolve the grief by maintaining the balance. If we cannot, then, in a Western sense, we are said to have unresolved grief or, in some tribal cultures, to have a ghost sickness or to be bothered by a spirit. Different world views often use different conceptual language to describe the same phenomenon.” A person can only move on if he or she returns to a state harmony.
The relational thinking is gaining traction as a tool to use in solving larger societal problems. Consider environmental issues, for example. Linear reasoning moves from: A causes B causes C causes D and so on. This approach favors capitalism with its goal to make money for the individual and increase GDP for the country. Environmental issues through a relational lens explores competing interests to see what it would take to bring them to harmony. It’s a search to balance personal earnings with clean drinking water, global temperatures, unpolluted fish in the oceans, adequate food production on land, sources for energy for transportation, home and business use, clean air and a fair distribution of property. Balance takes into account that human beings and animals share the earth with survival depending on a symbiotic relationship. In a relational view, there is no place for capitalism and colonialism that is designed to keep people in poverty. Harmony can only be achieved when all people and the environment are in balance.
Transitioning economic models that are primarily based on the rights of the individual to those of the greater community is not easy. Our country is imbedded in linear thinking that rewards personal achievement based on hard work and predestination. The founders, influenced by John Calvin’s preaching, went a step further and turned his religious thoughts into a justification for excessive wealth. Calvin was a theologian, not an economist, and his sermons were more humanistic than generally acknowledged. Unfortunately, ideas of predestination led to many to accept the notion that those with capital are marked favorably by God. Communities of haves and have nots became tolerated as a just part of American society. Today, the “have nots” are growing at a faster rate than ever before, weighting the scale with poverty, discord and ignorance.
Despite seeing so much societal degradation, I remain an optimist, recognizing that a great many people understand how unjust the world has become. Many are trying to change the current paradigm, or at least bend rules that keep the ecology in an unbalanced state. Despite the greedy people splashed over the news, I see signs for restoring social and environmental harmony. I hear people talk angrily about the unbridled wealth and power of just a few and hear them devising plans to restore equity.
It takes a long time to change the way a culture thinks. Eventually, however, most do evolve with changing times. Look around and you will see that your community no longer resembles that of your childhood. Take notice of the changes. Do you have friends who tune into Marie Kondo’s program to de-clutter. Pay attention to the millennials who value experiences over possessions. Observe that more people are leaving their cell phones tucked out of sight during meals. Ask yourself, why youth under thirty are purchasing vinyl records and changing their diets to organic, plant based foods. Note how younger generations easily accept sexual, religious and racial differences. Notice that it is schoolchildren who are leading the marches for gun safety and a sustainable environment. Study the slow movement, a cultural shift that promotes a slower pace of life in all areas. One branch of the movement is slow technology which, according to technopedia, is “designed to to curb some of the damaging effects of excessive technologies in human life, primarily through promoting slower or less extreme interactions with certain technologies. In general, the slow technology movement seeks to alter how humans interact with technologies including mobile devices, social media, email and other relatively recent innovations that tend to be highly addictive, or at least consume a lot of time.“
Younger generations are bringing about systemic changes that encourage face-to-face relationships and living lightly on the planet. It will be interesting to see if Amazon, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram go the way of so many media moguls or if they will evolve? Ten years ago who would have thought eBay’s traffic would decline? The slow movement says it’s time to get bored, for that brings about inventiveness. I’m not bored and probably not as inventive as I was when young, but I sure am having a blast watching thoughtful young adults conceive of ways to save society.
Millennials and Gen Zs are more interested in experiences than possessions. The great outdoors beckons them with freedom, health and companionship.
acrylic on deep canvas /20” x 16” / $ 399.
F
Seeking Community in a Time of Change
In past blogs, we explored social change and the pressure it puts on people to adapt. We looked at why young adults marry later and birth fewer children. And, at the other end of the age spectrum, we saw what happens to elders when family and friends move out of town or die, leaving them without support. Lastly, we examined technologically savvy teens who replace face-to-face interactions with social media. Adapting to change is difficult, leaving people feeling isolated and frightened. I listen to many of them during counseling sessions and feel their pain. Yet, despite all I hear, I have great hope for the future. The young adults I meet are loving, compassionate, active and community minded.
The need to adapt to change can be troublesome, for it sneaks up to surprise us. To transition from old ways of thinking, a person has to accept that there’s a need to do so. For instance, the need people have for community is the same as it was in previous generations, but the way younger people go about it today, differs greatly. Since lives no longer center around families who reside in stable neighborhoods, ways to communicate on the computer were invented to help us find meaningful relationships.
The flight from small towns and farms to cities initiated change in the way we live. Seeking better employment and more exciting places to roost required newcomers to be aggressive and outgoing when searching for companionship. Finding others with shared interests and values is time consuming. It can take years before acquaintances turn into deep friendships.
Adapting to social change requires forethought, patience and a willingness to practice new ways of interacting. The front porch rocker is no longer the place to go for a chat. It’s been replaced by sitting isolated for hours before a computer. At the same time, the computer is like a friend, for it is now the usual way to be introduced to those with share interests.
The World Wide Web opens doors to companionship. Walking through the door, however, takes a certain amount of courage. At some point it’s necessary to get off your chair and step outdoors. Following are a few paths people take to find community. Some are firmly embedded in the new reality, while others are becoming more so.
1) Used by millions of people, Computer dating services quickly became the norm. Websites like eharmony, Silver Singles, Match.com, and Zoosk sieve members through algorithms that match personal attributes. Those seeking love and companionship no longer wait for introductions from friends, family or matchmakers. As with many internet based services, however, caution has to be taken, for it’s possible to be victimized by scoundrels.
2) Meetups offer adults ways to connect through interest groups. There are gatherings for hiking, dog-lovers, photographers, artists, writers, readers and singers. Those who crave physical challenges band together for volleyball, camping and hiking. There are groups watch ingJapanese Movies, holding Forgiveness Discussions, coping with disability, and even participating in Oil Education sessions. A great many gatherings form around eating, drinking, talking and laughing.
Some of these associations lead to close relationships, but not all. It’s fairly common to attend weekly sessions without befriending the person sitting next to you. Friendships require effort and the participant has to take the next step. It involves a willingness to do meet for coffee or engage in activities with new acquaintances. Close relationships require trust and being open to discussing hopes, dreams and fears.
3) Maker groups come in many flavors, bringing people who like to create together in interest specific groups. Gatherings run the gamut from Digital Fabrication, 3D printing, Tinkering, Data Science to Movie Making. There’s a group called Coffee, Art, and Music and one named Sewing, Craft, DIY. There’s a Wine & Wineries Socializing Group, Hardware Startups, a Healthy-Tech-Think-Tank and even a Rainbow Duct Tape group. Some makers get involved in music festival projects while others form around making Pizza. Think it and you can probably find it as a subset of Meetup.
4) Co-housing: Throughout history, people lived in villages and small co-dependent communities. Not impeded by doors and fences, they helped neighbors needing food and childcare. They joined hunting parties, farmed and prayed. Today, few of us have neighbors who will come running when we need help. According to the 2010 Census Bureau, the average number of people living next door to you is three. They reside in self-sufficient units and take pride in being independent. Yet, private accommodations drain money and time and they don’t contribute to building community.
Today’s young adults are choosing to live communally in dwellings that combat loneliness and isolation. Co-housing is a distinct, yet American, way to reside, for it brings together strangers who value individualism and privacy, yet desire community. Co-housing combines private space with common areas to share meals, gardens, physical workouts, tools, and craft activities. Co-housing is not the same as the hippie communes of the 1960s where finances, cooking, social activities and ownership was shared by all, though it does offer ways to increase social interaction.
Co-housing, began in Denmark in the 1960s and was introduced to the U. S. in the 1990s. They vary in design and size with some being restricted by age while others are intergenerational. How often residents dine together and the extent of their shared facilities varies. Larger developments often employ a community manager to organize events, volunteer activities, and dinners.
Last summer I visited an eco-village composed of twelve houses with footprints limited to 1,200 sq. ft. Each structure was an experiment in energy efficient construction. One had solar heating panels while another used a heat pump. My friend built her house with thick walls that she and volunteer college students insulated with a slurry composed of mud and grass. Property owners share workshops, gardens and communal dining facilities. The compound’s layout makes it easy for people to interact.
Another co-housing development I toured consisted of twenty-four condominiums. Each was constructed with kitchen windows facing the compound’s playground. The founders wanted residents to feel like they belonged to a loving extended family. Seniors are encouraged to share their time and wisdom with children living in their community. Neighbors help each other with everything from home maintenance to childcare, cooking and shopping. All residents buy into the development’s land and participate in maintaining its property.
Home ownership is not a requirement for co-housing to be successful. Apartment buildings are being similarly built around shared amenities to encourage relationships that keep loneliness at bay. I’m impressed by Roam, a fairly new global community of co-living and co-working spaces where dwellers sign a single lease and live in sites worldwide for a week or a lifetime. Since so many people work from home, roaming the world and taking advantage of global housing while earning a living is enticing.
5) Shared living and work spaces are growing trends among Millennials, Gen-Zs and even some Baby Boomers. Unrelated adults join to purchase homes or rent rooms in houses where expenses and upkeep are shared. Living with housemates is more affordable and less lonely than being alone, and it allows money to be saved and used for travel. Sharing is part of the minimalist movement sweeping the country. Status is gained by having few posessions, getting by as a one-car or zero-car family and using services like Uber, Lyft, Smart Cars or CarGo.
Businesses are adapting to societal changes by incorporating ways to promote community into their planning. For example, Capital One Cafes turned traditional banking into a place where customers (and non-customers) can get coffee, work, chat with friends and receive help with banking needs. Rather than provide services, many businesses are using data to facilitate transactions for people when and where they want them. Bicycle and scooter rentals, Airbnb, apartment/home lending, WeWork, talent-sharing are a but few. Tools are borrowed through sharing resources like “Neighborgoods” and tool lending libraries, and fashionable clothing can be rented through stores serving black tie events.
Notions of what constitutes success is being redefined. Rather than measuring the size of their house or bank account, younger generations see success as purposeful work and meaningful relationships. According to Blake Morgan Self-sufficient Americans live in homes and apartments behind closed doors. of Forbes magazine, “Companies (like Capital One) that can transfer to become more experience-focused are the ones that will succeed in the changing world.”
I agree with her assessment but go a step further. The time is ripe for redefining our relationship to the land, not just to people. The “relational worldview” model, seeking harmony among competing factors may offer insight in how to do this-but that’s another story.
References:
Morgan, B . ( 2019) NOwnership, No Problem: An updated Look at Why Millennieals Value Experiences Over Owning Things. Forbes. retrieved from
Oregon City, the end of Oregon Trail, is the site of the first electrical cable power line in the United States. The hydro electric dam on the Willamette River produced electricity that was sent to Portland, 14 miles away. No longer a pristine power dam or site of a paper mill, this tumbling down image projects the area today. I wonder what it will look like when the earthquake strikes?
Poem by my Granddaughter, Mira Horn
Oh Grandma!
The lens through which you see this city cannot be captured through another’s brush
I wish I knew just what shape the town used to be
when waters crashed and city and sky lights touched
Here lies the first glimmer of electricity
Here lies the end of the Oregon Trail
The past upon the past, the dark against the pale
Can you tell me where the creases lie, what makes this painting blush?
Oh Grandma, I think you’ve left the city clear
Breathed in it life, and swept away the dust
(The following section is taken from soon to be published “Over The Peanut Fence.” It discusses what happens to poor and homeless people when disasters occur.
When Disaster Strikes
During times of crisis caused by natural or manmade disasters the most vulnerable among us suffer greatly. Even slight setbacks can have disastrous consequences for children, adolescents, seniors, and those with disabilities. For example, in January 2017, Portland, Oregon had an unusual storm that dumped 14 inches of snow on city streets. In general, Portland winters are mild, but that year, below-freezing temperatures plagued the city for many days.
Four homeless people died of exposure and a great many children went hungry. When schools close for inclement weather, children in low-income families are often without food. In Portland, where over 50 percent of the students participate in federally subsidized breakfast and lunch programs, cancelled school days mean lots of hungry bellies.
Though Oregon communities are involved in emergency planning, the most vulnerable are usually the last to receive services. For example,\ one recommendation for earthquake preparedness is that each person set aside 14 gallons of water in their home or apartment. Homeless people have no way of doing so.
Imagine an earthquake, hurricane, tornado or tsunami hitting your town. Responders and hospital staff will attend to the most drastic situations first. Those with bank accounts, stocked pantries, vehicles, neighbors and relatives will be better able to survive than poor or homeless people who may have to endure days, weeks or even months of added trauma.
Portland’s snowstorm last year was a wake-up call for community leaders. With limited transportation and no electricity, the Bureau of Emergency Management was incapable of giving special attention to those unable to care for their own needs. The mayor had to step in and coordinate emergency personnel to deal with the situation. Though the event lasted only a few days, it made officials recognize that they had to plan for those without shelter. Temporary housing, communication and food for the poor, the homeless, the mentally ill and homebound seniors had to be considered. Emergency planning teams concluded that a trained network of volunteers had to be part of the solution for avoiding a humanitarian crisis.
I suggest emergency preparedness be introduced in the elementary grades. Homes need to be equipped with up-to-date first-aid kits, extra food, water, and easily accessible clothing on hand. Those living together need to know how to shut off gas and electrical lines. Families (and friends) need designated meeting places to go to in case of separation. There is also a moral responsibility to help neighbors in need if you are able to do so. The process begins with surveying the neighborhood to see who might require attention, needing food, special supplies or help vacating their premise.
It is surprising how difficult it is for those in need to ask for assistance. After a heavy snow, our young wheel-chaired son often finds himself trapped indoors waiting for someone to dig out his car. Distant friends eventually come to his aid but he feels uncomfortable asking someone living in his apartment complex to help, for he doesn’t know them well. I wish someone would recognize his situation and not wait until he asks.
Children need instruction in what to do and where to go in case of an emergency. Youth who find themselves temporarily stranded will need to know how to find their parents. Those who live homeless also need to be made aware of their options. Street youth are constantly honing survival skills, but during a major disaster they will not be able to access their usual shelters or food distribution sites. Organizations like Outside In and New Avenues for Youth, the Salvation Army, etc. should consider teaching their clients what to do and where to go in a disaster.
Several weeks ago I wrote of the need for volunteer mentors to help homeless youth. Many of you responded positively to that newsletter. Emergency preparation also requires trained volunteers who know how to help for those with special needs. We all must to be prepared for natural disasters common to our part of the country but we also need to be aware that some unknown person might need our help.
Flickers Caring For Their Young Nesting birds need the love and care of attentive parents if they are to become healthy adult birds capable of carrying on the species. Acrylic on canvas/ 4 399
POWER OF LOVE: Observing aimless teens hanging out on street corners makes me wonder which ones will overcome their situation to have a productive, happy life and which ones won’t. If you’re like me, you do not enjoy homeless youths taking over neighborhood parks or begging for handouts while perched on sidewalks. If you’re like me, you cover your nose when descending stairwells in city-center parking garages that smell of urine. And, if you’re like me, you are intimidated when a gang of adolescents walk past making lewd gestures and shouting dirty words.
Street-kids don’t want to be ignored. Hearing their cries for help is important, not only for their sake, but selfishly for mine. Yet, I am not sure how to do so. What if these teens are permanently damaged by having been in abusive situations? What if they’re just going through a phase? By my standards, they lack social values and the moral fiber necessary for living in a democratic society. The more I learned about them, however, the more interested I became in finding answers.
I soon discovered that much of their antisocial behavior is directed towards those they fear. This includes most adults, including you and me. Growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive household leads them to distrust the very people who should be protecting them. Antagonism is rarely aimed at their own peer group. Once they they run away from home, they follow a strict set of their rules that embrace street-life values. They care for instantly acquired friends by sharing food, cigarettes, drugs, information and they adopt the strict code against “ratting.” Though divisive behavior may result from a lack of parental love, they act thoughtfully when helping other youth. I see their kindness is a sign of hope, for with good counseling it is possible to transfer compassionate street behavior to the greater society.
I used to assume that love is instinctual and that every newborn will receive the parental attention it deserves. Without it, I reasoned, a helpless infant would be incapable of surviving. I know now that parental feelings of love and responsibility for newborns is not a given. All too many parents neglect their offspring causing physical and psychological damage.
Most of us were fortunate to grow up surrounded by affectionate parents and relatives who held us close. As adults, we transfer the love we received as children to partners with whom we form bonds based on trust and respect. But, what happens to children who are never caressed or told they are special? What are the long-term effects of not being touched or cuddled? What befalls those who are abandoned, left on doorsteps or placed in cribs in overcrowded houses where they’re not attended to when they cry for food or a diaper change?
A cornerstone study about infant neglect began in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a newly passed ban on abortion, the number of orphaned babies in the country soared. Some 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded facilities staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the orphanages were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. They were left day and night in their cribs, to be changed on schedule and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet. Since crying infants were routinely ignored, it wasn’t long before they stopped making sounds. No attention—no cries—only silence.
Dr. Fox followed the Romanian children for over fourteen years. Autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common during their early years. As the children aged, their head circumferences stayed unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and understanding what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. Displaying poor impulse control, they became socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and were handicapped by low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self- punishment. Intellectually, they functioned poorly, which caused them to have poor academic success. Those youngsters fortunate enough to be placed in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. But those who entered foster care at a later age were not as lucky. Most were permanently damaged.
Another study of note was conducted between 1962 and 76 by the HighScope Perry Preschool Project, in conjunction with nurse-family practitioners focused on parenting practices in an African-American community in Michigan. The school operated an innovative program that included decision-making and problem-solving activities and allowed for physical movement throughout the day. Researchers were interested to see what would happen if caretakers were taught parenting skills through their involvement in the program. Parents were invited to participate in weekly visits that brought them into the education process. They were shown how to express love and reward good behavior. The study concluded that “without repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development.” Loveless children become permanently scarred. Their stress levels are high, setting the stage for elevated cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndromes and other conditions that pose serious health risks later in life.
Bullying is a subtle form of abuse that makes victims feel inadequate and humiliated. Most keep silent about the injustice done to them, not only because they fear reprisal but because they think they are no good. A bullied child subconsciously believes that if no one loves me, then how can I love myself? He (or she) sees himself as undeserving and incapable of change. Even after completing a well-executed task, a bullied child has difficulty feeling satisfied or accepting compliments. Parents who say “I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that,” or “You idiot! Who do you think you are?” hurt the child’s self-esteem. Bullying causes some children to act out by being cruel to animals, setting fires, taking drugs or simply withdrawing into themselves. Health can be affected by even small insults of shame and rejection.
A child’s well-being depends of having security and love. Thankfully, most families know that children need to reside in a safe welcoming environment that showers them with affection and kindness. Love helps them develop defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from illness, abuse and trauma. And it is love that sets the stage for healthy adult relationships.
This valentine’s day be thankful you were loved and are able to share that love with others. It is a gift to give that should not to be squandered. Many unhappy events are surmounted when someone reaches out to express their love and concern. And, for those of you who have extra tenderness tucked away in your heart, consider mentoring a youth who is having a tough time. Your love can help this child blossom and it will make the world a better, kinder place for all.
References:
Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania’s Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.
Parks, G. (2000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. retrieved from STUDY. Also found at www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf
She may be older but she still feels young and ready to tackle life.
acrylic on Canvas / 20” x 16” / $ 399
Behind the Wrinkle
Last week two participants in my writers group read passages that contained descriptions of elderly women. I was aghast at listening to their portrayals of women my age. They conjured up frumpish matrons with beatific smiles who spend much of their time knitting and gossiping over tea. Their arms are open for those who knock on church doors looking for aid. “Yes dear, do come in. You are loved.“ Perhaps, forty to fifty years ago these women did exist in white middle and upper class communities where husbands worked and women stayed home. Not now.
During the comment period I mentioned that I certainly don’t feel like the people described on their pages. My writer friends laughed and the meeting went on. However, the issue of age continued to bother me for I don’t know anyone who would comfortably step into the pages of their books. These days, older women are full participants in the social and political fabric of the country. I set out to investigate age discrimination more thoroughly.
My attention immediately leaped to Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court and Senator Diane Feinstein, both working at 85 despite physical ailments that plagued them as they aged. I wondered how Nancy Pelosi at 78 retained her role as a Washington powerhouse and how Maxine Waters at 80 remains relevant to her district. None of these women appear to lack the stamina needed in their jobs.
I noticed that older actresses were getting better roles. Jane Fonda at 81 starred with Lily Tomlin, 79, in the Netflix series Grace and Frankie. She maintains a healthy lifestyle, exercises regularly, eats well, and boy does she look stunning. As a bionic woman, she hasn’’t lets her fake hip, artificial knee or many back surgeries stop her for living fully. And then there’s Oprah Winfrey, who at 65 looks like she will remain active forever. She’s a media executive who continues as a publisher, actress, TV producer and philanthropist. She got American to read.
Inevitably, our bodies will decline, so I decided to investigate elderly female athletes. Phyllis Sues at 91 is a competitive Tango dancer who recently took up skydiving. Sylvester Stallone’s mother Jackie at 92 does CrossFit Boxing, indoor rowing and takes dance classes. Tao Porchon-Lynch at 96 is the world’s oldest yoga teacher. She didn’t start her practice until the was 73. Madona Buder (known as the Iron Nun) at age 84 finished the Ironman triathlon. The competition involved a 2.4 mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride, followed by a 26.2 mile run. The stories are many.
Exercise, healthy diet and remain active—those words are pounded into the heads of women in every socio-economic level. For economic reasons, though, more of them have to work into their senior years to make ends meet. Employment is not easy, for age discrimination starts at fifty for women. Though they may be youthful, savvy, and connected, in the workplace coworkers often consider them dinosaurs. They are disrespected, labeled old fashioned and forced out of jobs. Unlike men, whose value increases as they get older, they fall prey to assumptions that they lack stamina, aren’t technically astute and aren’t invested in their careers. The opposite is actually true, for their companies are not invested in them.
According to a study from the National Bureau of Economic Research one reason older female job seekers are discriminated more than males is because physical appearance matters more for women than men. Though laws are in place to protect workers over 40, age discrimination is difficult to prove. However, according to AARP, women are finally speaking up and reporting injustices, the first step towards change. The Bureau of Labor Statistics forecasts that by 2024 there will be twice as many women over 55 in the labor force as women ages 16 to 24.
Though older women are least valued by employers, they are needed. Many are educated, trained, reliable and experienced. They understand the aging marketplace and add to the economy with their purchases. They save employers money because they demand fewer benefits. Medicare lowers health insurance premiums and Social Security fill in some of the gaps in income needs.
But, those who can retire, don’t slow down. They are involved and engaged in writing, participating in politics, volunteering on school boards and becoming classroom aids. They travel with emergency teams to disaster areas and join local committees to overcome homelessness. They keep their bodies fit and their minds sharp by auditing university classes, attending lecture series, travel. Their spirits adjust to advancing age through meditation and yoga. Balancing volunteer activities with play helps them remain young at heart. The seniors I know stay abreast of the changing world, use computers and participate on social media sites. They text and tweet to communicate with grandchildren and pride themselves on understanding the younger generation.
Older women are not fragile. They’ve always worked hard taking care of families and participating in community life. And, in case you wondered, yes, most enjoy sex. So young squirts, get over it. Look at reality and not some outdated concept of a great grandmother in a flower patterned housecoat reclining in a rocking chair ready to dispense tea and chat. We are a mounting force that needs to be reckoned with.
The following article is an adaptation from Over the Peanut Fence: Scaling barriers for homeless and runaway youth. The book, a work of love and hope, is out for review and in the final stages of production. Stay tuned.
Resiliency
Runaway teens tend to have strong survival instincts. Most leave home because of abusive situations that make the risks of living on the streets more appealing than remaining in place. Experiencing trauma for much of their childhood leaves them confused, angry and the without the skills needed to earn a living. This was certainly the case when we invited Zach (stage name), a street kid to live with us. It took him five years to climb out of the dungeon of his mind to the light.
For years, social workers tried to help trouble youth like Zach by employing behavior modification techniques. The idea was to get rid of disruptive behaviors by enticing (or forcing) the youth to adapt to societal norms. Their techniques had marginal success for rather than build self-esteem and confidence it reinforced the notion that society considered him or her to be incorrigible.
In recent years, developmental psychologists started looking at positive approaches that build on intrinsic strengths rather than on hand-slapping. Their goal was to transform adversity into affirmation. They studied why some adolescents function well while others in similar situations, do not. This led to taking a broader approach that integrates account life at molecular, individual and family levels. The result was to develop and therapy based on resiliency that uses medical, social service and educational resources to initiate change.
Resiliency therapy focuses on the client’s strengths and on identifying a flexible treatment plan to help overcome early trauma. It reinforces healthy behaviors by acknowledging the fortitude and skills that already exists within the adolescent. Therapists use these proficiencies to develop additional competencies that will give the youth feelings of accomplishment.
Before goals are set, the case worker explores family, community and cultural factors that were either disruptive or were helpful to the youth’s development. Mentors may be called in and asked to spend time getting to know the youth. These good samaritans help identify hidden talents and provide encouragement to meet education goals once they are set. As progress is made and praise rightfully given, budding feelings of self-worth begin to blossom. A mentor is often the first person to pay attention to the youth’s needs and desires.
Cultural inhibitors can have a significant impact on resiliency. An adolescent from a minority community who experienced or perceived racism when young has a harder time adapting to white society than one who has not. In fifth grade, Dewey Taylor, a child of color, was bused to an all-white school. When he got off the bus he was greeted by a girl who rubbed her finger across his face to see if the color came off. Dewey was shocked and pushed her away only to be challenged by an older brother who proceeded to beat him up. Dewey and his friends decided that white kids were crazy. They lived in a middle class black neighborhood that sheltered their children from racism. The incident messed with Dewey’s confidence. It wasn’t until the Black Panthers emerged and soul singer James Brown shouted, “I’m black and I’m proud!” that Dewey mustered the strength to pull his life together.
Though a youth may eventually acquire job skills, early negative experiences can impinge on work by causing anti-social behavior, depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Promoting full resiliency requires contextual understanding on the part of counselors. Changing cultural and social environments becomes part of the treatment plan.
Lowering factors that produce negativity, focusing on growth and adaptation, and promoting altruism and harmony, empowers adolescents to think more positively. Success comes from rewarding small steps over and over again while raining down positive praise for accomplishments.
Leland Leonard, director Tsehootsooi Medical Center in Arizona writes about Navajo adolescents and resiliency;
“Resilience is the natural, human capacity to navigate life well. It is something every human being has—wisdom, common sense. It means coming to know how you think, who you are spiritually, where you come from, and where you are going. The key is learning how to utilize innate resilience, which is the birthright of every human being. It involves understanding our inner spirit and finding a sense of direction.”99
It is a challenge to find the right amount of stimulation to propel an adolescent towards self-motivation. Vocational training, rites of passage and challenging sports offer opportunities that address this need. Unfortunately, these pathways are not always available to poor youths. Such programs give troubled youth a place to test their skills and find resilience. I’ve come to realize that overcoming youth homelessness is not a hopeless situation. It just takes the combined wisdom and compassion of people like you and me to want to do it.
References:
Zimmerman, M. (2014) Resiliency Theory: A Strengths-Based Approach to research and Practice for Adolescent Health. US National Library of Medicine, NIH. retrieved from www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ articles/PMC3966565/ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ articles/PMC3966565/
Leonard, L. (2008) The Relationship Between Navajo Adolescents’ Knowledge and Attitude of Navajo Culture and their Self-Esteem and Resiliency. Dissertation at Arizona State University.
She sits proudly on her perch to be admired by all who pass. A little scratch under the chin makes her purr, a quiet soothing sound. She and her owner are content.
Her Majesty acrylic painting on canvas/ 20″ x 20″ / $399
Her Majesty – My Pet
Two granddaughters inspired the picture above. They both have cats (as do I) that are an important part of their lives. My first pet was a Dalmatian puppy given to my brother and me as a Christmas gift. Though we became attached to him, he was not considered an integral a part of the family’s fabric in the way pets are today. He ran around our lawn without a leash, played catch and greeted us with a wagging tail when we came home, but in those days, dogs were considered pets, not companions, not human beings.
My partner, Ray, grew up in a rural area where animals were part of the work force. Cats kept the rodent population down, barking dogs provided front line security and goats ate blackberry bushes taking over the yard. Animals were loved, petted and fed, but spent most of their time out of doors, acquiring rich thick coats of fur in the winter. Once the United States urbanized, the relationship to animals changed. Today, 90 percent of dog owners say their dog has a positive impact on their mental and physical health. That comment would never have been made forty years ago.
Instead of buying big bags of standard food, urban owners are fussy, believing their pets have special nutritional needs. They have concerns about food allergies and fears about packaging being contaminated. Owners enjoy pampering their cats (not so rural owners). They spend freely, purchasing toys, fancy collars and expensive pillows and willingly pay high fees for veterinary specialists and daycare services.
Statistics from Research and Markets:
55% of households have pets (dogs rule) – half live in the 25 largest Metropolitan areas
Dog ownership is up 29 percent in the past decade
Multiple dog households have increased
Ownership among older, Hispanic and millennial populations is growing
Unmarried and childless people have more pets than before
24 percent of cats are overweight
Urban owners spend much more than rural owners on their animals
Fish are more likely found in affluent and larger households
Hispanics form the largest segment of bird owners
47 percent of reptiles are owned by millennials.
Roland Sonnenburg, a professional animal trainer who supplies animals for film and television reminds people that dogs are not humans. They shouldn’t be dressed in cute outfits, given ice cream for dessert or entertained by a television left on when alone. He says that well-meaning owners make the mistake of assuming animals enjoy the same things people do. And even worse, they expect them to behave like people. Healthy dogs act like dogs and cats behave like cats. Human beings need to act human and not try to mimic their pets in order to improve their relationship with them. For instance, don’t growl in your dog’s face when he snarls or you very well might end up in the hospital. Your dog acted appropriatly for he considered you to be threat.
It’s unfair to get angry when your pet reacts to a rambunctious toddler who pulls his tail. It’s dog-like to nip back and cat-like to spit and hiss. Owners are responsible to keep their pets safe and leashed so they don’t get in fights with other animals or destroy property. They have to be watched so they don’t chew on power cords or dash across the street after a bird or squirrel when the front door is opened. My dog, Ashanti, was poisoned when off-leash while playing on a beach where dead birds had washed to shore. He would not respond to my call when I tried to put him back on the leash but ran instead to lick his find. I’ll always feel guilty for his death as I continue to mourn his passing. Pets rely on their owners to make good decisions for them. They don’t understand the concept of long term consequeces.
A cousin who bred blue ribbon shelties warned me about overfeeding my dog and giving him food that appeals to my taste buds. She said that processed well balanced meals were healthier and designed to keep weight at an appropriate level. Since so many owners don’t follow this advice and think their animal needs to eat as often as they do, a tremendous amount of overweight animals have to be put on diets by vets.
Exercise is another factor to keeping animals healthy. In urban areas, pets are not allowed to roam freely. Many owners are too lazy to exercise them outside in inclement weather. Most dogs enjoy romping outside in the cold. They have energy and want to run. They like being challenged to fetch a stick that is thrown further each time.
Many behaviors pet owners exhibit have more to do with their own psychology than that of their pets. For example, people hang stockings for their animals and fill them with special treats and toys to be given on Christmas morning. They subject them to photo sessions wearing reindeer antlers or furry red coats. The number of people buying canine costumes has increased by 24 percent since 2010 according to PetSmart. Why do this?
Psychologist, Kit Yarrow in Psychology Today says that pets are “stress-busters.” Pet ownership has increased as have the number of people reporting anxiety. Cuddling and playing with an animal boosts oxytocin, a stress-relieving hormone that makes people happier and more deeply bonded.
A second factor in the way owners behave has to do with status. In contemporary society, 91 percent of owners consider their pets to be members of the family with 81 percent saying that they are equal members. This was never the case forty years ago. Advancements in veterinary care kept pace with the elevated position pets occupy in the household. There are internists, ophthalmologists, dermatologists, and many more specialists for animals. There are even pet insurance companies to help pay for unexpected medical emergencies. Advanced medical care is not inexpensive but since pets are increasingly as important as other members of the family more people are willing to pay what they can.
Lastly, humans have a need to be nurtured, and pets fulfill that need. An unprecedented number of people live alone. Large numbers of couples choose not to have children and due to increased longevity, those who do live in empty nests for years. These changes contributed to owners thinking of their pets as children. They commonly use baby-talk when addressing them. Over 58 percent refer to themselves as “mom” or “dad.” Pet-parents who want to provide their animals with human experiences have caused the pet industry to blossom. Gourmet meals, pet hotels rather than kennels, toys and stellar healthcare provide emotional support, connection and happiness to owners. I should know. I’m one of them.
When you’ve worked through life’s pitfalls to achieve most of your goals, it is time to help someone else do the same.
mixed media on canvas/ wood frame/23″a x 19″ / $399
The Mentor
School does not bode well for those who find it difficult to sit still, and, from time-to-time, that’s the case for all students. I’ve listened to kids complain about academic subjects they say are boring and non-essential. They consider homework to be busywork that is irrelevant for their future, yet have no idea what that future might be. Permissive parents go along with their complaints and provide late notes when they sleep in or miss a day of school. According to Patrick Gabriel in an article for school superintendents, this attitude contributes to a poor work ethic. They drop out of school and are lackadaisical in their jobs, wondering why they don’t get the raise they assume they deserve. Many young people are confused and don’t want to put in hours of hard work necessary to meet graduation requirements. For those going for an advanced degree, the six-year graduation rate for full-time undergraduate students at a 4 year degree-granting program is only 60 percent according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Institutions with open admissions policies find that only 32 percent graduate.
There will always be children who enjoy a traditional curriculum, but many won’t. Some students become handicapped by never learning how to read. with ease. More than 30 million adults in the U.S. cannot read, write or do basic math above a third-grade level. Their children have a 72 percent chance of remaining at the lowest reading levels themselves.
Non-academic students might be better served by a more practical, vocational training approach. We need to do something different or we will continue to get students dropping out of school. Though federal data released in December, 2018 shows graduation rates increasing, fact checkers claim data is manipulated by state and local departments of education unwilling to include the poor statistics coming from charters, alternative and virtual schools. According to “Building a Grad Nation’s” annual report that tracks high school graduation rates, the number of schools with low graduation rates is actually growing. Twenty-five percent of entering freshman drop out of high school, most from poor neighborhood schools.
For democracy to succeed it’s important for everyone to be educated and hopefully enjoy learning for its own sake. To do so, a variety of teaching approaches need to be used that address the variety of ways students learn. In the hands of the right teacher, tactile and auditory methods can be just as effective as the written word. This calls for individualized attention and instruction which would be extremely expensive paid instructors were the only resource. There are other ways.
Last week, I received an email from a woman who told me of her mentor, a person extremely important to her professional and personal growth. Her comment reminded me that throughout my student years, I too had advisors to inspire and guide me. In elementary school, Ms. Dorothea, my dancing instructor filled that role. Not only did she show me the benefits to controlling how I moved, but she demonstrated the importance of doing so with purpose and grace. “Pretty fingers” she said to her class of ballerinas as we pranced around the studio acting like we belonged to the New York City Ballet.
Mrs. Lambert, my high school english teacher was the first of many mentors to inspire my love of literature. By letting us read books of our own choosing during class time, we read voraciously tales in every genre. We weren’t pressured to analyze and dissect our readings, but by devouring so many books we absorbed a craving for those that were well written. Classmates and I hovered around her desk after class, occasionally visiting her home, anxious to absorb bits of knowledge flung in our direction.
In college, I enrolled in anthropology classes and fell under the spell a female professor. It was the first time I came into contact with an adventurous woman who traveled fearlessly to out of the way places. My, how I wanted to be like her! She was accepted in primitive villages despite differences in customs and values, and she never imposed personal biases. This professor helped me understand that each person views the world from his or her own center. The way a society operates is complex and should not always be judged by western values..
When starting Impression 5 Science Museum in Lansing, Michigan, I sat next to a successful real estate developer at a luncheon for non-profit organizations. He advised me to not wait for everything to fall into place if I wanted to achieve my goal of starting a museum. He told me to look for cracks in walls and move through them without hesitation. “Grab the moment when it presents itself,” he said, “for it may never occur again. It’s not likely that everyone will be in agreement as you forge a new field. There are times when you have to take action to demonstrate the way forward.”
My mentors were generous with their time. They listened to my concerns and helped me achieve my goals. Now that I’m older, I make myself available to others who might benefit by my experience. I’ve assisted several women with their businesses, helped a boy overcome homelessness and assisted an immigrant adapt to life in the states. It’s challenging to listen to others without letting my biases take over. But, helping people achieve goals they set for themselves is what a good coach does. Mentors help them think through ways to solve their problems. They provide contacts, may open a new line of reasoning but above all help their mentee build self-esteem.
Considering how many youth struggle in traditional classrooms, I think that opportunities should become available to all students. All students, but especially those from dysfunctional families will benefit from individual attention. Parents can not be all things to their children. There are times when an aunt, uncle or stranger is well suited to step in.
Considering how many youth struggle in traditional classrooms, I suggest a mentor be assigned to every student. All children, but especially those from dysfunctional families, will benefit from individualized attention. No parent can be all things to each of their offspring. There are times when an aunt, uncle or caring tutor is well suited to step in.
If I was the potentate of schools and could wave a magic wand, I’d call on patriotism to establish an army of mentors.
I’d ask retirees and young adults to entice, tantalize and inspire at least one youth to work hard and take pleasure in learning. Carpenters, plumbers, bakers, electricians, auto mechanics, health professionals, artists, business men and women as well as those with an academic bent can play a role. Let’s rid ourselves of the notion that everyone learns in the same way and discover how each mentee thinks.
Lastly, mentors can not be thrown into the lion’s den and expected to survive. They deserve to receive training. The purpose of mentoring is to build basic life skills, self-confidence, academic success and resiliency and they will need help when there are bumps in the road. Please don’t imagine mentoring a student to be an entirely altruistic activity, for mentors usually receive as much as they give. They make lifetime friends with their students who in turn help them “think young” and stay tuned to the world as it evolves for the next generation.
