Category: Uncategorized

The Three Sirens

Which one will become prey in a game of one-upmanship?

Acrylic on canvas/ 36” by 12’ / $ 350

Power Play

Women have finally found the courage to share their stories of the powerful men who made unwanted sexual advances towards them.Their predators were masterful players of the one-upmanship game. They knew how to induce fear in their victims by feeding ego that supported their privileged status as employer and reenforced the belief that they were the superior player.

Before the civil war, plantation owners believed in their right to physically and sexually abuse slaves. As property, their prey had little recourse against rape or beatings by cruel masters. Society supported the rights of property owners over the enslaved. Though much has improved since those days, a great deal has stayed the same with ugliness pushed underground. Out of site and out of sound, sexual assaults until recently have been hushed up, though perhaps times are finally changing. Politicians, Hollywood moguls, and industry bosses have always been abel to engage in hurtful acts through bribery, trickery and outright force.

I too was victimized. My first encounter was mild, but demonstrates how unfeeling some young men can be when showing off to their friends. At the age of 19, while walking through Harvard Yard, an approaching student stuck out his arm to brush my breasts. I was shocked as he and his friends had a good laugh at my expense. Fifty years later the memory of that small incident remains burned in my brain. What kind of upbringing did the young man have to believe he had the right to abuse me?

In my thirties, I was subjected to unwanted advances by the chairman of the board under which I served. His power moves were scary for I was naive, neither knowing how to handle his unwanted advances nor willing to confide in someone in since he occupied the organization’s top position. I reasoned that if I went to the police the incident would be exploited in the media. Since the man was a well respected community leader, I wondered if I would be believed over his denials? Would my reputation be tarnished? Would I lose my job? In the early 1970’s women rarely won such cases by suing in court.

Fearing that my young children and spouse would be pulled into my nightmare, I elected to remain silent. By not sharing, my silence created a wedge between me and my husband.

However, once aware of sexual power games, I became determined never to be victimized again. When invited to install an OMSI exhibit in the senate office building in D.C. I was asked to give a private tour to a senator who had a predatory reputation. Forewarned, I was on guard. Sure enough, the man made overtures, but I was able to gracefully and competently end the encounter without making an enemy.

News about the predatory actions of Hollywood directors, politicians and corporate leaders is not surprising. For years their have been tales of exploits shared through backroom gossip networks. I applaud the willingness of the nearly fifty actresses who came forward to expose Harvey Weinstein. However, there is safety in numbers and most are aging ladies with little to lose. What would have happened if they stood alone and confronted him in their younger years? Talented women who work their way up the corporate ladder are at particular risk.

What will insure that job advancement stays in the boardroom rather than involve an unwilling visit to a bedroom. According to Angela Skirtu, “one part of our sex life is power roles.” Most people assume a dominant or submissive role, though some are comfortable back and forth. In a consensual relationship, power dynamics are discussed and agreed upon with the result of deepening the relationship. Without a willingness to communicate, relationships can quickly become power plays that end poorly.

Unfortunately, there are those who disregard consensual practices when outside their homes. They believe they have a license to proceed aggressively with unwilling participants. Powerless to flee, resentment, anger and depression take set in. An abused woman (or gay youth) may fear going to work.

Most employee manuals have a no-tolerance clause for sexual harassment. These rules are difficult to enforce for those at the top of the organization for there is no place further up the ladder to go to seek justice. The consequences of complaint can ruin hard built careers and undermine families. We have only to look at Anita Hill’s exposure of Clarence Thomas to understand how difficult stepping forward can be. Aggressors often have many powerful friends to form a protective ring around them.

In my case, if the situation happened today, I might still remain quiet and not report the event to authorities. However, I like to think it would never be an issue, for I am better armed with an arsenal for nipping unwanted advances in the bud. It behoves everyone to understand their own sexuality and how it affects those they associate with. There are times when flirtation is harmless and can be encouraged. But there are also situations when that is not the case and clear expectations have to be communicated.

How often have your heard, ”women don’t really mean it when they say no?” It is a stereotype about them that reinforces the idea that women are not straightforward. The phrase becomes a convenient excuse to ignore what is being said. Women, as are men, are complicated. There are times when body language is as important as words. Though we want our children to be social and caring, it becomes a problem if they are so sensitive that they fear hurting a predator’s feelings.

A young woman asked me for advice when an older, competitive colleague threatened her career by demanding sex. As a happily married mother, her family meant more to her than advancement through appeasing this individual. The process of vocalizing her concern gave her courage that enabled her to handle he situation in a safe, public arena. She told the man how flattered she was by his interest but that she was happily married and that an affair was not possible. By being open and direct, she was able to set limits. It may not seem fair to some that flattery was her way out, but it was a prudent solution for it enabled her to maintain a useful working relationship.

Moms and Dads, please don’t avoid discussing this difficult subject with your daughters and sons. At the start of their careers they need to know how to respond to unwanted advances without becoming paranoid. Discussions might focus on appropriate work attire and how to deal with inebriated co-workers. It is important let them know that most men and women are considerate and reasonable, so they will not go overboard in fear. Still, it is good to be realistic as well as cautious for there will always be power hungry predators. Women need to be trained at an early age that it is OK to say no. And men need to learn early that a lack of no does not mean yes. Consent needs to be verbalized and valued.

And men, don’t be fooled. The situation can be reversed, for there are women at the top ready to play the same type of one-upmanship game.

References:

Skurtu, Angela (2016) Power Dynamics in Sexual Relationships. Huffpost. retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/angela-skurtu/power-dynamics-in-sexual-_b_9843280.html

Mitra, M. (2017) what Women Don’t Mean When They Say “No”. retrieved from http://www.filtercopy.com/what-women-don-t-mean-when-they-say-no-2473499543.html

Aaron, M.( 2017) The Role of Power in Relationships, Dr. Michael Aaron – licensed Psychotherapist, Sexologist and Sex therapist. retrieved from Web http://www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com/the-role-of-power-in-relationships/

Art work is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com

Floating Free in a Bed of Roses

Roses, a symbol of love float freely trusting that they will remain
committed to their beatiful community.

29” by 23”, Acrylic on Canvas, $425.

Love Has It All

I recently heard an enlightening, though cerebral talk about love. The speaker was passionate in his belief that if we all practice love and kindness, it can lead to peace and harmony. Though the content of the speech was hopeful and intellectually powerful, his words left me emotionless. I found it difficult to move from my brain to my gut to absorb what he was saying, and did not leave the talk with the warm fuzzy feeling you get from love. I also wondered, how it would be possible to get everyone in a community ( or a relationship) to practice love?

I became acutely aware of how easy it is to disconnect mind and emotions when trying to communicate an important message. I empathized because I am often criticized for doing the same in my writings. The newsletters I send out weekly are vetted in a writers group I belong to and an oft heard complaint is that I am too academic. The more I thought about this problem the more challenged I became. Can I turn thoughts and words into something that tugs at the “heart?”

Years ago I had a friend from Ghana who asked me, “What is this thing called love?” In his culture, marriage was arranged by adults who knew the two young people well. He believed that his parents were much more likely to find a good spouse from him than he would for himself. Companionship, compatibility, and commitment were the basic ingredients for a love that would come after years of living together. He was a doctoral student at MIT and his parents sent him a woman to wed in his final year. They were married in the Washington Cathedral with a lively celebration afterwards in the Ghanian Embassy.

Arranged marriages were the norm for generations.

In the movie, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye sings to his wife after giving permission to his daughter to marry the man she loves.

“Do you love me?” he asks Golde?

His wife answers,
“ Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked your cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?
Raising his children, how can he ask such a question?”

She then turns to the audience,

“For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him
Fought with him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that’s not love, what is?”

“ I suppose I do,” says Goldie.
and Tevye replies, “ And I suppose I love you too.”

The last verse they sing together is most telling,

“ It doesn’t change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It’s nice to know.”

Who do you love and how do you know you love? When did you first feel loved? When did you first give your love without condition? And lastly, how often do (or did) you tell the person of your love?

OK. . . a bit of an aside because I can’t help myself. Psychology Today gives a few answers to the first question (DiDonato, 2014). They mention seven research-based signs of love and attachment.

You’re addicted to this person.
You really want your friends or family to like this person.
You celebrate this person’s triumphs ( even when you yourself fail).
You definitely like this person, and this person likes you.
You really miss this person when you’re apart.
Your sense of self has grown through knowing this person.
You get jealous-but not suspicious.

The article goes on to say that falling in love is a basis for a healthy relationship but keeping it going is based primarily on satisfactions and feeling good in the presence of the other person. Love needs to be buttressed by commitment.

I know that I love my partner, children, grandchildren and siblings and a great many friends. I feel stirrings in my core when I think of them. When we are together I feel warm, happy and content. The little annoying things they do are also what makes make them special and unique. As I age, I even started appreciating their mistakes . . . they seem funny, youthful, and naive. Their mishaps are what makes them human and able to grow and learn.

When family or close friends are ill, I grieve and will do anything in my power to help them over their hurdle. They are first in my mind and time, and always have been . . . before job, hobbies, and my to-do list. When it comes to those I love, I am a tigress protecting her lair.

My difficulty comes when I am told to love everyone else . . . community, country, and by extension, the world. Religious leaders ask us to love beggars, thieves, prostitutes, murderers and malicious gossips. Perhaps the Dalai Llama can do this but I fail in this regard. Should I try to get over this hurdle? I am not sure.

The several times I came close to loving a large group of acquaintances is when I was responsible for their well being. When president of OMSI and Impression 5 I wanted to create organizations that were not only efficient but places where people enjoyed coming to work. The best way to do that, I thought, was to insure that staff were committed to a cause greater than themselves and also cared for each other. In general we became such an organization by reaching out to staff experiencing unexpected trauma, by providing shoulders to cry on, and by sharing camaraderie in good times.

I did not realize how successful we were until I did a terrible thing and lost the trust of those I had ostensibly embraced. After OMSI opened its new riverfront facility many young educators, ticket takers, and guides were hired to meet increased demand. Several of these employees roomed together and shared rides to and from work. Over the inauguratory year I gave many speeches about how we were a loving, caring family working for the betterment of the community. Staff were energized and worked exceedingly hard as they took my words to heart.

Unfortunately, most new museums see declining visitor attendance after the public’s initial curiosity subsides. Ours was no exception, so, in order to balance the budget we had to lay people off. When were forced to downsize, the decision played havoc to the lives and dreams of these trusting, innocent young adults. Their co-housing arrangements were disrupted and belief in our loving community came to an abrupt end as was demonstrated with tears turned to anger which was expressed by turning over furniture and a bowl containing 1000 computer chips the lobby near my office. 

I felt miserable, knowing there was not much I could do. But it made me understand that love involves responsibility, commitment, and telling the truth. In this case, I knew that we most likely would need to downsize, but since I did not know when that would happen, I neglected to tell new employees that it was a possibility.

The experience made me realize the power of honesty, being committed, giving of yourself, and being open to receive from others. It is overwhelmingly disruptive to the well-being of the person you profess to love, when these sentiments are suddenly withdrawn, for whatever the reason. In many ways it is cruel. If there has been honestly all along, when change is necessary it should not be a surprise.

Loving communities flourish by trusting that help will be there when needed and that are joyful moments will be shared and celebrated together.  The love offered to one another is not conditional, not based on everything going right, nor is it withdrawn willy-nilly. It is a gift that when given and received freely, fosters a deep sense of well-being.  

I can love, I do love, I send you my love.

Reference:

DiDonato,T. (2014) How Do You Know If You’re in Love? Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love.

Art is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com.

MidSummer Night’s Dream
Pursuing dreams often involve taking risks. What is thought of by night may turn into a jumble of emotions that focus on fears and demand courage by day.

Risky Business

Stacy Allison, the first American woman to reach the summit of Mt. Everest, relates stories of overcoming obstacles and the courage it took to pursue her dream through overwhelming negative odds. After years of work to get her body in shape and to find funding for the excursion, she was forced to abandon a her first half completed climb due to brutal weather. Stacy watched friends become seriously maimed and observed the ruthlessness of climbing a mountain that kills. Her experience at the higher reaches of Nepal was cold and miserable. Rather than give up, however, she grabbed at an opportunity a year later and this time was successful at reaching the pinnacle. Stacy’s experiences are well documented in her book, Many Mountains to Climb: Reflections on Competence, Courage, and Commitment. The motivational talks she gives are designed to inspire people to pursue their dreams, take risks, and not give up under challenging circumstances.

The amount of risk taking a individual should assume is difficult to assess. It is a personal decision that greatly affects how broadly one embraces their slice of life. Some people think that driving a car or walking across a busy street is enough of a risk in today’s crowded cities teaming with road rage. Parents, fearful of potential consequences, increasingly hover over their children to protect them from tumbles. Their anxiety, unfortunately, can affect the way their offspring navigate the world by making them cautious and restrained.

There are those, myself included, who have a need for adventure and are likely to reach out to embrace higher levels of unpredictability. At times it means that I put myself in harm’s way.

For the last two weeks I’ve been traveling through Ecuador, living with host families in the Amazon jungle and in highlands of the Andes Mountains. We river-rafted in the Amazon, horseback rode in areas adjacent to active volcanoes, zip-lined over high cliffs and climbed slippery waterfalls on narrow jungle trails while avoiding snakes, scorpions. and thorn bushes.

While rafting, our cocky guide toppled five out of six participants (including himself) into churning waters when showing off by standing on the raft’s rim. Our lives were put at risk in a second of his madness as I was thrown into a whirlpool under the water’s surface. Wondering if I would rise to the top and be rescued before my breathe gave out, I could have drowned. . . but I didn’t. The experience was exhilarating and I can’t wait to go again. I was trained in survival techniques before the trip so was able to remain calm rather than panic as did several fellow rafters.

But looking back, I realize that despite my daily fitness schedule, the strength I had as a youth is not there. I n acknowledge that risk-taking is relative to skill level, strength, and the ability to remain calm when stressed. A seventy-eight year old woman is not as agile or strong as the twenty year olds who filled the adjacent raft.

The young man my partner and I mentor is also a risk taker. He was fit with a good sense of balance and fearless. He worked hard by not always cautiously. Because he believed his life to be charmed and that he was above the possibility of a serious injury, instead of wearing his heavy safety-harness on lower-level scaffolding, he went without protection. His desire to move quickly, to be efficient, and to outshine other workers made him take risks. An accidental hit to his leg by a fellow painter sent him flying into permanent quadriplegic exile that now affects the entire family.

How much risk taking is a good thing? Sitting in a chair and never leaving home would be quite limiting. Physical inactivity caries its share of risks including the possibility of high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, anxiety and depression. Idleness and lethargy have instigated major health problems worldwide.

How can the need for physical challenges be balanced with our desire for safety? Do we protect our children from climbing trees or walking ta mile to and from school rather than sitting on a bus? In many nations, children travel two to five miles by foot to get to school each day. Walking or bicycle riding were the norm when I was a child but at time traffic was not as congested and we never heard of kidnapping or sex abusers.

An article in the BC Medical Journal talks of the risk-benefit paradox of exercise. It says that a certain amount is good and life giving while prolonged strenuous exercise training is associated with the risk of sudden cardiac death, atrial and ventricular arrhythmias and damage to muscles and bones.

How safe is safe enough in industrial settings, on children’s playgrounds, or in emerging technologies? The public ’s desire for a zero-risk society is threatening to political, economic, and personal expression. Our liturgical society has shifted risk away from individual responsibility. How do we set a balance for culpability? Some people crave more risky experiences than others. Is it in their DNA or part of their childhood exposures? If a person with Attention Deficit Disorder craves risk and acts without forethought who bears responsibility for the consequences of his or her action?

These questions are explored by many researchers and are difficult to assess. I can only speak for myself as a middle-of-the-road risk taker who tries to be prepared for an adventure that moves me a bit beyond my comfort zone. As a result, I have a rich variety of memories and experiences from having personal contacts with those living in other cultures. I’ve danced with tribal members in the streets of Kenya and in homes high in the Andes and learned about there views of family, politics, and religion. These excursions reinforce my belief that each person views the world in a unique way, yet are similar in their love of family, homeland, and a desire for peace and security.  
 

References:
Risk of Physical Inactivity: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/cardiovascular_diseasesrisks_of_physical_inactivity_85,P00218/

Warburton, Taunton, Bredin, Isserow, The BC Medical Journal, The risk-benefit paradox of exercise, Issue: BCMJ, Vol. 58, No. 4, May 2016, page(s) 210-218 Articles: http://www.bcmj.org/articles/risk-benefit-paradox-exercise.

These beautiful birds are protected at the Malheur Wildlife Refuge, yet they risk their lives when traveling to Mexico for the winter. I painted them last spring after taking our annual excursion to view Oregon’s migratory birds. Sorry, but the painting sold.

Ray took this picture of the Band-Tailed Pigeon perched on our back porch feeder. Notice the dart (or broken arrow) sticking out of it’s shoulder. This was a courageous bird that managed to make the trip from Mexico north, carrying the projectile the entire distance. It made me wonder why this poor pigeon was treated so poorly so I did a bit of research about killing birds.

The Guardian reported that conservationists are appalled at the illegal killing of 25 million birds a year in the Mediterranean alone. Egyptians line beaches with high nets across miles of the Nile Delta . Cypriots stop songbirds by smearing branches with glue, while the Italians kill anything that flies and the French set metal traps for small birds. Though these countries do have strong laws, they are not working. The Guardian mentioned that Italy and Egypt are the most dangerous countries for migratory birds followed by Syria, Lebanon and Cyprus where songbirds are a culinary delicacy.

Advertisers on Google promote dove hunting adventures to countries like Argentina, Uruguay, and Columbia. Hunters are supplied with 1000 free shells, and go on 8 shoots over four days for a cost of $2,600 plus tips. High volume dove shooting is also advertised by South America Adventure Safaris where the most experienced shooters stay in luxurious lodges. These mighty hunters face-off with ducks, pigeons, and doves. Most of the meat goes uneaten by the hunters though the organizers claim the birds supply food to the local community. Since most of birds are shot with lead pellets that become imbedded in their flesh, they are not safe to eat. The pellets also are a hazard to birds, such as hawks, that pick up lead shot from the ground and get poisoned.

I read a blog by a horrified writer who echoes my sentiments. “ I understand the idea of hunting for food or pest control, and I get the idea of hunting for sport but what I don’t get is why someone would go and kill a thousand birds, or a couple dozen. Is it the challenge? Doesn’t seem like a big challenge if some kid can take down a thousand on a weekend? What is the appeal?”

There were many answers.

One person mentioned that Doves eat grain and are considered a plague by farmers for they destroy entire crops in a night. Another boasted that their meat is delicious and hunting is fun, for it occurs when the weather is good as opposed to hunting ducks or geese.

Another answered, “There are a great many things I shoot and kill, yet have zero desire to eat. Moles, feral cats, nutria, rats, field mice, the neighbor’s dogs, voles, starlings … of course possum, raccoon and coyote as well. Crows just aren’t worth the trouble to clean (much like dove), but I hunt them anyway.”
However, one response that did make some sense to me was, “Number 1 rule of hunting . . . you eat what you kill! If you were hungry enough, you’d not only eat dog, you’d fight for the scraps.”

Now I am stymied. My bird feeder attracts lovely feathered creatures that I have come to treasure. The thought of them being killed for sport is demoralizing. The fact that we are wiping out populations of birds and animals on a mass scale I believe is unconscionable. On the other hand, the idea of people going hungry is also unethical. In poor countries, entire populations of wildlife are eliminated because of food insecurity.

What do we as a society do to address hunger as well as the needs of sportsmen? There are very real nutritional as well as recreational needs. Questions of population control, agricultural practices that encourage small farmers, and sharing of resources must be considered. Why can’t hunters have fun shooting drones or skeets instead of living creatures? Surely there must be a way to enjoy life without destroying nature.

Best Friends

In elementary school we sang a round with lyrics that told us to,

Make new friends but don’t forget the old,
One is silver and the other is gold.

Those words still lurk in the back of my mind and I think about them often. Who are my friends ? Am I as close to my new friends as I was to to the old?

Elaine was my best childhood friend. We were raised together. We were only two weeks apart in age, I being the older. Our mothers were sisters and we lived four streets apart, went to the same schools, and visited Grandma every weekend. I used to taunt her by saying, “You have to listen to me. I’m older than you.” Her quick response was, “ Yea, but you’re going to die first!” That usually put an end to the argument. Now Elaine lives on the opposite coast and it is an effort to stay connected. Occasional phone calls and vacations are not quite the same as being neighbors.

In sixth grade, a cute boy stood attentively by my side when I was on duty as a school crossing guard. I was flattered as we chatted nonstop. Eventually I agreed to participate in a mock wedding and invited our friends to celebrate with us. Once the ceremony was over, we sat on the floor and played spin the bottle though he was more interested in having the bottle point to another girl than me. A crushing moment! Fifty years later the boy, turned professor, got in touch with me. We resumed our communication through email. He had had an interesting academic career and also became an accomplished photographer. We easily shared secrets. But, life moves on, and eventually we lost touch once more. I think of him fondly as a intellectual friend, though not one I would call in an emergency.

When dating, I lived during the era when those of the opposite sex were met through mutual friends. We went to parties, attended school events, and participated in dances put on by religious organizations. In sixth and seventh grade we donned white gloves and attended Saturday dance classes where we were groomed for participation in adult social activities.

Eventually, I met my husband and he soon became my very best friend. But after 25 years we divorced and I lost him as a friend. The shared memories and friendships we had developed as a couple were never spoken of again. I began a new chapter, moved away and developed new friendships.

My first husband and I have since reestablished communication and I find it a pleasure to be in contact with someone who knew my family when I was fourteen. Remembrances pepper life with richness and provide dimensionality. As long as we do not get stuck in the past, there is much to be learned from remembering it.

When my children were young, we partied with couples who had children the same age as ours. I attended a women’s group each month where we sat in a circle sharing inner most thoughts about the month’s topic. There were weekend dinners at each other’s homes and our children visited on playdates. We worked side by side on school committees, baked cookies, participated in auctions, and drove our cars on school outings. It was lots of fun, but today, I am not in touch with even one of these women. What happened to my old friends? Did their lives turn out as they had hoped?
Then Internet came along, and with it Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Cell phones arrived along with the ability to text. Instead of attending parties when I wanted to meet a new man I went to match.com and eHarmony. Boy did I have fun for a year meeting fascinating people! I even met a man who asked me to help him license an arithmetic toy he developed. We became business friends and I made it happen. The two of us have not communicated since.

Have these technologies really changed the nature of friendships? I have hundreds of so called friends following my blogs on various sites. Do social media sites develop and keep friendships ? Perhaps the younger generation is more in tuned with this type of friend making.

According to a 2015 Pew Research report, 76% of all teens use social media.They claim it connects them to their friends’ feelings and lives, though they think that they often over do it too and share too much information. 68% report that they have received support from friends during tough times. That sounds wonderful to me though I also understand that there is a class bias. The statistic is more aligned with those living in families earning less than $50,000 than those from more affluent households.

On the flip side, social media can hurt, especially when a girl (boys are more thick skinned) discovers that they had not been invited to an event or activity that had occurred. They are devastated when reading a derogatory remark that has been written about them. Half of those surveyed have had someone post a comment about them that they cannot change or control. Again, this is more prevalent in educated, higher income households which also carries with it a higher amount of what they call drama (conflict, bullying). Unfortunately, the carry over to school can be devastating where fights may occur because of something written online. When friendships end, teens unfriend, block or delete the person. In general, they think that people online are less authentic, less real. The more educated ones spend a lot of time making sure they look good and that they take the time to post only positive content. Teens want to be judged as smart, thoughtful, fun loving hipsters.

Are teen friends true friends? One of my old acquaintances used to say, “it takes 20 years to make a friend.” Aristotle said, “ a friend is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.” A researcher in Birkbeck College in London claims that most of us lose friends as our lives become more technologically connected. The joys of human contact are replaced by electronic stimuli and shallow friendships. Social connections rather than true Aristotelian friendships are the new norm. ‘

According to the American Sociological Review, most people only have two close friends and 25% of Americans have none. Facebook is not usually a place to develop close friendships. Internet contact does not compare with the quality of relationships that are built are face-to face.’
Friendships take time and effort. Relationships deepen when you are willing to be authentic, share intimate feelings, and sensitive vulnerabilities.

Over the course of my career, managing science museums and a catalog company, I met staff, board members and community activists I considered to be my friends. It was a shock to discover that each time I stepped away from my position I was asked to not communicate with those who remained working for the organization. CEOs of businesses are expected to sever ties when they leave, allowing the new president to develop his or her own loyalties. I know of a minister who left her church and had to sign a document saying that she would not attend services or have contact with congregants for two years.

The experience was isolating when that happened to me in Portland. While running OMSI, I was surrounded by people who befriended me because they wanted to be part of an inner elite circle. The day after resigning from the museum, their attention rightly turned to the new director and I was forgotten. That did not bother me too much at first because I had a new business to attend to that took all my time. However, when my catalog company sold after eighteen years of operation, I was confronted by the fact that I had lost so many friends. Surprisingly it was a for-profit business and still the new owner did not want me to have contact with staff for fear they would want to keep old ways of doing things.

Since leaving, I have developed new, wonderful relationships and plan to keep them close to me. And, though I happily have new friendships, I will never forget the old.

Artwork is always for sale. Picture of Elaine is acrylic on canvas, 48″ by 36″ $699.

Contact Marilynne@eichingerfineart.com

Over the Fence: From Rags to Riches
It is not easy to climb over a fence built of barriers to security and wealth.
Acrylic on Canvas/ 21” x 25” / gold frame / $499.

The following story is about a young man who was helped by a compassionate couple during his senior year in high school. I believe it is import to acknowledge how one individual is all it takes to impact the life of a child raised in traumatic circumstances. As I complete Over the Sticker Bush Fence, a book about homeless and runaway youth, I plan to share certain sections with you. Please give me your honest feedback as I proceed. I hope to inspire others to volunteer to support a child in need.

The Tale of Young Scholar

Jeff Gottfried, a former director of education at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI), initiated and received National Science Foundation (NSF) funding to conduct an innovative Young Scholars program. High school students were selected from a national applicant pool of those interested in working alongside research scientists during their summer vacation. There was no difficulty in finding applicants with a 4.0-grade average who wanted to take advantage of this opportunity. Most of the teens came from caring middle and upper-class families who encourage their children to exceed. But Jeff was interested in looking beyond the obvious to discover children with talent but who, for reasons of poverty or family dysfunction, were not high achievers. He asked teachers to make suggestions of students who might fit into this category of unrecognized youth.

Sure enough, one of the local high school teachers mentioned a boy whose family had moved each of the past five years because of poverty. The young man’s father was a Vietnam vet who, if entering treatment today, would have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder-PTSD. His mother suffered a variety of mental and physical illnesses and was also incapacitated. He was a neglected child, and if the police had not picked him up while roaming on the beach he never would have started school. The family moved from house to house as they faced consecutive evictions. There were numerous instances when the boy spent his nights sleeping in the family’s car.

Teachers, recognizing the boy’s intelligence, encouraged him to apply for the summer research position at OMSI despite having poor grades. Though his appearance and manner of speaking appeared to be mismatched to his knowledge, they were able to see through the superficial to a spark of genius. His grades were low Bs, and his command of English was marginal. The youth’s dress was shabby, like that of a street kid, yet his application essay was compelling as he spoke of his life and challenges, so the OMSI program decided to take a risk on this young man. Jeff’s intuition was good. I named him “Young Scholar” and throughout the summer he became more energized and hopeful.

The research he participated in was an environmental study of water quality of rivers in eastern Oregon. On one of Jeff’s visits to the site, he noticed that Young Scholar was not there during the dinner hour. In inquiring about his whereabouts, he was told that the boy was so wrapped up in the research that he did not want to stop what he was doing until it became darker. Later that evening, Jeff overheard Young Scholar asking another youth if there was a possibility of living with the boy’s family the following school year since his parents were planning to move once again. Jeff immediately discussed the Young Scholar’s situation with his wife and decided to take the boy into their own home during the following academic year.

Jeff accompanied Young Scholar to his apartment, loaded his few belongings into his car, and brought him into an atmosphere with caring creative people who applauded learning. The following school year, Young Scholar never missed a day, receiving a 4.0-grade point average by year-end and winning a Bausch and Lomb Science Award upon graduation. This prestigious award was accompanied by a four-year full scholarship to Rochester University. It was quite an accomplishment and shows what can happen when a caring adult recognizes potential.

Young Scholar accepted the scholarship and went off to study science , working all the while cleaning dorms to augment his stipend. Young Scholar continued to return to Jeff’s house for vacations, and the family grew to accept and love him as a son. Upon graduation, he accepted a job as a teacher in private school in New Orleans and eventually returned to Oregon to obtain a master’s degree in environmental science, in sedimentology. With diploma in hand, he returned to New Orleans to enter a doctorate program at Tulane University.

Young Scholar lived through Katrina, almost losing his entire Ph.D. dissertation in the disaster. This man, who understood the difficulty of overcoming adversity, managed to rescue his thesis from floodwater when the campus was closed. Presenting and defending his thesis was extremely difficult because his thesis committee had scattered to various locations throughout the United States. Young Scholar had to undertake the arduous task of reassembling his dissertation committee before he could graduate.

Today he is a married man with two children and supports himself as a college professor. Because of astute teachers who recognized his brilliance, the inspiration gained by participating in museum sponsored research, and a dedicated museum professional willing to go the extra mile, this Young Scholar has become a contributing member of society.

Engaged in Adventure
Acrylic on Canvas/ 42” by 54”/ $ 790 or best offer
It is time for adventure. Test the water, see the world, try new things, develop new friendships.

Public Service for All
Over the past two years, I have been engaged in research about homeless and runaway youth. I studied the causes and interventions used to help these children who come from traumatic backgrounds. I am nearing completion, writing a summary and conclusion section that includes suggestions. One idea is to establish a government-sponsored public service program that all youth participate in one year after graduation. Please read the following section and share your thoughts. Do you think this is a good and doable idea?

Public Service for All

Is it time to consider a public service option for al graduates? We appear not to have enough jobs to gainfully employ graduating high school (even college) youth, so rather than doing menial activities or nothing at all, why not engage them in useful pursuits that develop job skills? What might a one-year obligation be like if all high school graduates were required to enter a civil defense, military or Vista Corps-type program?

Putting teens from diverse backgrounds together could stem political divisions that plague our country and serve as a way to integrate the population. Race and gender concerns fall away when people grow to depend on each other. Wealth and poverty issues are aided by understanding. Public service could give youth an opportunity to interact across class lines and be an aid in overcoming bigotry.

Service jobs offer on-the-job training that teaches recruits to engage in teamwork. This style of learning is especially useful for those who have a difficult time sitting in classrooms engaged in academic studies. Youth, in service positions, learn to follow directions and, as they progress, are awarded leadership opportunities. Service expands a participant’s worldview and is exciting when new challenges are presented and met. Activities could include disaster relief, fighting forest fires, agriculture, working with distressed children, assisting national park rangers, building habitat for humanity houses, and cooking in food shelters. In each case, youth will gain skills that are transferable to future jobs.

For those planning to continue studying for an advanced degree, a year of service could help solidify what direction to pursue. Knowing that you are contributing to a better society is empowering, with life-long benefits that make for a more compassionate society.

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