Is she healthy, safe? Who cares?
Unsung Heroes Nextdoor
We speak compassionately of those who are ill, lose jobs, or become homeless, but there’s another group that deserves our empathy—the caregivers. Though I appreciate professionals who help those in need, it is the untrained army of friends and family keeping society stable that are taken for granted. At inconvenience to themselves, they step forward, sometimes for years, to ensure the health, safety, and security of physically and mentally ill family and friends. Helping hands come from neighbors and relatives rarely acknowledged for their sacrifice. Since they don’t complain, it is easy to forget that they too need emotional support.
Between 1916-1930, the United States and Europe experienced an epidemic of Encephalitis Lethargic affecting at least half a million people. Victims were overwhelmed by lethargy and sleepiness that put them into coma-like states with muscle rigidity. My uncle was one of the disease’s unfortunate casualties. After being called lazy and sleeping for nearly a year, he finally woke up but was left with Parkinson’s, a serious disability. According to my father, his brother was the brightest child in their family of nine. The illness took his sharp intellect away and he needed care for the remainder of his life.
My father contributed to his upkeep, but the real burden was assumed by his younger sister and her husband. They provided a welcoming household for him while raising three children of their own. I view my aunt and uncle as unsung heroes.
There are many good Samaritans among us. Names and locations were changed in the following stories.
For over ten years, Jane Doe, from Michigan has been visiting her ninety-year-old mother in a nursing home several days a week. She takes her on day trips, meets with doctors, and sees that she is well cared for. Jane’s an attorney who has a stressful job helping those on the margins of society. She carries their troubles home and works late into the night to solve difficult problems. But, no matter how busy she is, her mother’s care comes first. Jane’s days are so full that she had to give up something, so her social life suffered.
When George, his father-in-law, moved to his home for his final years, Sam Smith became his caretaker while his wife continued to work. Sam took George to medical appointments and hometown baseball games. When he became bedridden, it was Sam who made him laugh, bathed him, and made sure he took his medicine. Five years later, George died at peace knowing he was loved. Sam’s empathy for the man had no bounds. His father-in-law’s death left an empty spot in Sam’s heart and vacant days to fill.
Jen Black’s seventeen-year-old daughter, Zoe, had an anxiety attack, later diagnosed as a manic depressive disorder. Jen was aghast to learn that her child had an illness likely to come and go throughout her life. Now, it’s been thirty years since she was first diagnosed. During that time, Jen went through the pain of seeing her daughter suffer. Twice, she sat in hospitals after Zoe tried taking her life. Frequent episodes make it hard for her to keep a job. Though the flare-ups were frightening and she wanted to keep her close, as her daughter aged, Jen acknowledged her need for independence.
Her daughter’s freedom and Jen’s desire to protect Zoe were at odds. She spent sleepless nights wondering how to help her become independent. Zoe now lives on her own, but routine tasks like opening mail and buying food can be a challenge. Mother and daughter speak daily and periodically spend an afternoon together cleaning Jen’s apartment. Making sure her daughter takes her medicine is a major concern. Jen’s wish to travel and take pottery classes remains on permanent hold. When not physically with her daughter, her mind is.
Children diagnosed with debilitating illnesses that require ongoing attention, force parent’s to put their dreams on hold. The life Jen lives is not one she asked for. After Zoe’s illness led to a divorce, Jen gave up the thought of remarrying. Caring for her daughter is filled with cloudy days intermixed with sunshine. When Zoe tells her mother how much she is loved, Jen feels like her heart will burst with happiness. A few smiles are all it takes to make her years as a caregiver worthwhile. Jen’s love is a testament to how expansive a human heart can be.
Now in her seventies, Jen worries about what will happen when she dies. Who will love and care for her child? And, I wonder how she found the emotional support and courage to continue throughout the years. Without her mother’s care, Zoe could have been one of the thousands of mentally ill people roaming the streets. Jen is a hero worth recognizing.
Caretaking for most people is a short-term job, but for a great many it isn’t. Their lives are tortured by seeing loved ones in pain or incapacitated. These kind custodians happen to be our neighbors and relatives. We see them regularly without considering the burdens they bear. The ill person is usually cared for by a physician or psychiatrist. The caretaker stays in the background and is rarely recognized for being the good person he or she is.
When researching Over the Peanut Fence, I found that youths are being thrown out of their homes due to sexual orientation, mental or physical disabilities, and pregnancy. They take to the streets because they are starving, disagree with parents over religion, and are victims of physical and emotional violence. I applaud relatives and friends who step in to prevent them from becoming homeless. Those who step in are part of the unsung army deserving of appreciation.
I’ve watched many friends, neighbors, and family step forward to help loved ones through rough times. I’m sure you know these kind souls as well. To all, I say thank you. You are appreciated.
If people didn’t care homelessness would be worse.
1. ) According to Mental Illness Policy Org
45 percent of the 250,000 people living on the streets are seriously mentally ill
2) According to National Health Care for the Homeless Council
Those living on the streets for an extended period of time have a life expectancy of 64 years. About 1 in every 3 senior households experience severe housing problems. Blacks, Native Americans, and Hispanic seniors are disproportionately affected. Due to the current work situation for older people, there is a growing elder population on the streets that is expected to reach 95,000 by 2050. In 2019 in Portland, 23.4 percent of those who were homelessness were 55 or older.
3) According to the National Conference off State Legislatures Youth Homelessness Overview ( 15-25 yrs.)
27 percent of homeless youth had to leave home because of their sexual orientation, primarily because of religion.
69 percent report mental health problems
29 percent have substance misuse problems
4) According to Easter Seal and Disability Scoop
More than 42.8 percent of America’s homeless population are those with disabilities. This includes substance abuse and mental illness and the physically impaired. In Multnomah County, OR, 61 percent report a chronic physical condition, mental illness, and/or addiction.
5. According to Youth Today report on Chapin Hall Study by U. of Chicago
Nearly half of America’s homeless women and girls are parents or about to be parents. 18 percent of homeless young men are fathers. In 2017, homeless 18 to 25-year-olds became parents to some 1.1 million Americans. Many girls had been forced from their homes because of their pregnancies.
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Do share stories of good people you know who deserve recognition.
