The Firmament, Orchestration of LIFE by Marilynne Eichinger

Acrylic on canvas, gold frame, $495, the universe, 18” by 22” 

OREGON SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA 

Alondra de la Parra conducting in Mexico

Stress Plays the Creeping Ick

The past two years were stressful, but I didn’t know it. I’m the type of person who enjoys challenging problems and become motivated by a certain kind of disquiet. For most of my adult years I was energized by the highs and lows that came from managing a demanding job and large family. and took pride in being a multitasker able to cope with unexpected events. 

I imagined myself a conductor keeping tempo for the symphony called LIFE. The orchestra tested of my capacity to tune into the nuances of their individual parts. By paying rapt attention to the various sections, I  insured each attained a measure of competency.

Children and grandchildren occupied the strings, producing lilting sounds at times though staccato more often. The harp kept me creative and floating on clouds while the godlike sounds of kettle drums, piano and cymbals called me to work diligently. Their vibrations demanded full attention though I tried not to let booms and clangs overwhelm other sections.  

The haunting woodwinds were coaxed to create lively melodies that let me dance and twirl with grace. Their flutes, oboes, clarinets, and bassoons kept pace when I had to move through difficult situations. The brass section made sure I never wallowed in despair. Tones blasting forth from the trumpets encouraged me to shout hopes and dreams for all to hear. Their melodies were strident, constantly pushing me forward despite setbacks. All the while, the mellow tuba kept me grounded and the french horn provided a soft carpet to roll on.

My job as conductor was to unify the sections and insure they harmonized well together.  Players changing and shuffling positions kept me alert, providing warning of the need to  switch strategies. 

Throughout the symphony, I stayed true to my goal of coaxing each section to become better than it thought possible.  I strove to create synergy, insuring that the whole was better than the individual parts.

Throughout the symphony, I stayed true to my goal of coaxing each section to become better than it thought possible. I strove to create synergy, insuring that the was whole better than the individual parts. The challenge of conducting LIFE was an absorbing and enriching enterprise following a score written by a collaboration of composers. The stress of conducting was motivating and cushioned by its virtuoso musicians and a personal routine that included exercise, meditation, painting, healthy eating, and solid sleep.

 Unfortunately, several years ago, I was given several scores that were beyond my ability to conduct. I fell victim to the whims of nature, affecting the health and security of loved ones. Stressors were no longer motivating and it was difficult to strategize with confidence that all would be well.

It took time to understand that stress creeps slowly and can cover you with a blanket of ick. It wasn’t until mine was lifted, that I understood the depth of the agitation I experienced each day. I felt smothered until the moment I recognized that there are compositions beyond my ability to conduct. When that happens, it is wise to ask for help from another conductor. I learned from my experiences and made a list for future use.

1. I can’t always be the only conductor, nor can every problem be solved. There are times to be strong and test my abilities and times to invite a doctor, engineer or friend to guest conduct.
2. Though I’ve enjoy thinking of myself as a virtuoso conductor, I am not. Sometimes yes, but more often no. Family and friends evolve and change to become capable of conducting their own LIFE symphony. 
3. There’s no sense in erecting a smokescreen of stoicism between me and other musicians. It will only lead to loneliness and isolation.
4. Health issues, changed relationships, household moves, and employment disruptions (good and bad) are stressful. They are triggers that shout – pay attention.  Is it time to find someone who listens, who won’t tell me what to do, but will tune into my emotional and physical state to insure I’m able to cope with the score before me? I can’t wait until the person is needed, but must develop a relationship in advance with someone will to be there when called on.
5. When you’re used to being the conductor, it is difficult to listen to someone who says the piece should be interpreted differently. Yet, it is necessary listen and evaluate what is said.
6. Unless I become feeble minded, I remain the decision maker. I am responsible for finding ways to alleviate my stress or accept what are likely to be unfortunate consequences.