Rock Creek Awakens
A place of happiness and serenity
Shit Happens
We like to think we’re in control, yet much of the time we’re not. Even with precautions we move into the unknown in a search for opportunity. New challenges provide the spark that makes life interesting.
Uncertainty starts at birth, for we are born with risk. Modern medicine has made tremendous advances to protect the health of mother and newborn child, but complications still occur. According to the Centers for Disease Control, as many as 15-20 percent of all U.S. pregnancies end in miscarriage, with 24,000 terminating in stillbirth and roughly the same number of infants die in the first year of life. Shit happens.
As we age, we skin our knees on the playground, fall off of bicycles and scooters, suffer sports injuries and get whiplash in auto accidents. Yet, we continue to get on the horse after being thrown on the ground. We ride our cars to the store, J-walk across busy streets, play contact sports and hunt in the woods by ourselves. We engage in activities that we know are dangerous. And, we hear many tales of disasters that occur to other risk takers.
Twenty-four hour news outlets inundates with natural and man made catastrophes that cause people to lose homes, livelihood and families. Calamities can potentially affect each and everyone of us, no matter our income or location. It makes me wonder how I would react if adversity does affect my life. How would I handle it so that it wouldn’t destroy me?
Some people are energized by tragedy and are called to action while others bury their heads in fear and isolation. There are those who will stoically hide their grief while others will let everyone know how stress and unhappy they are.
Trauma can certainly lead to nightmares and the inability to carry on. The ramification of PTSD are not easy to overcome, and though sufferers say they become changed, most eventually return to having a productive, happy life. I am fascinated by those who overcome loss and trauma and wonder what make e them so resilient. How do they keep a positive outlook?
For a while, I explored genetic research into positivism, eventually concluding that the evidence is inconclusive. Many explorations are focused on depressive disorders, with most results claiming there is an inherited predisposition for depression. However, that does not necessarily mean that the person with a genetic bias towards depression will become depressed. Much depends on their environment which has the ability to alter genes that trigger genetic predisposing. The research articles I read covering depression and its opposite, positivity, remains speculative with blurred conclusions. I would never choose a mate based on a genetic predisposition to depression or positivity.
I would, however, choose to be surrounded by those who have a positive outlook on life, the glass is half-full type of people. The negative ones can wear you down, which is especially hard for empathetic people who feels the pain of others. One of the reasons I chose not to stay working with mentally ill patients is that I ingested their unhappiness. I brought their sadness home to my family and friends. Instead, I chose to focus on people and activities that could bring beauty and joy into my life.
Seth, our young wheelchair bound son, is an example of the power of positive thinking. When first diagnosed as a quadriplegic, he would not tolerate visitors who pitied him, expressed negative concern about his future or thought that he wasn’t capable of overcoming his disability. I overheard him ask a person to leave his hospital room unless he could speak in a more positive way. Watching this critically disabled young man take control of his environment and observing how he willed himself forward by affirming what is good, was inspiring. Despite his inability to move, he smiled, joked and put others at ease. As a result, his resilient behavior made people want to help him through his ordeal. Today Seth prospers with days busy with new activities and a close circle of caring friends.
There are many others who also handle diversity well. I’ve seen seniors blossom after losing love ones they have lived with for fifty years and observed unhappy divorced men and women become more independent, compassionate adults as they struggle to reinvent themselves. I’ve decided that the ability to overcome trauma, grief and despair is partly a matter of choice. People can chose to embark on healing journeys even when they don’t feel like it. They do so because of their belief that in the long run all will be OK. Positivity leads them forward. As a result of a life time of observations I developed a to-do list to follow when immersed in tragedy.
Surround yourself with positive, comfort giving people. None of us is an island standing alone. We are part of a community of care givers and care receivers. We can be both. In time of need, take control by asking for help when you want it and requesting privacy when it is essential.
Overcoming trauma, grief, illness and death is by its nature a private affair. No one can really feel what you are feeling or know what you are thinking, but it helps to have someone hold your hand. Opening your heart to let them in and swallowing your pride by admitting vulnerability is a step towards healing.
Visit your happy place, a location that gives great comfort. It may be in nature, at the beach, the woods, on the water or a garden retreat. It may be in the bustle and hustle of crowds or in a car you drive through the countryside. Happy places are where you feel safe when alone, with friends, a puppy, a kitten or even a horse. I have two happy places, one is my art studio and the other is in Central Oregon. They where I feel relaxed and my mind does not wander to anything except the beauty I see before me. Guilt about for what I can or should be doing is not allowed this y place that helps center me.
Exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. Don’t let your body atrophy and don’t give yourself an excuse to gain or lose excessive weight. Comfort food is not comforting in the long run. This may take will power, but being conscious of what you eat and how you move can help you regain control of your life.
One of my mottos is, “ never worry twice.” Once is enough. Turn off the “what if” button of negative thoughts until the worry is real. Don’t spend time imagining something horrible that may never come to pass. Meditation or mindfulness practices can help focus the brain and control unwanted thoughts and bad recurring images.
Speak to those who have experienced a similar tragedy. It helps to realize that you are not alone and to learn how others have coped. Friends and family often harbor timelines about how long it should take you to get over grief or trauma. Recovery doesn’t usually work the way these well meaning friends believe it should. Trauma and grief don’t disappear overnight, though their frequency and intensity does subside. Over time, agony becomes a less piercing pain and enables the victim to find comfort.
Yes, shit happens, but you don’t need to wallow in it. By putting one foot before the other and believing that you will evolve, makes it possible to rediscover purpose and happiness.
References.
Pearson, C. (2013) Miscarriage Causes, rates Widely Misunderstood.Huff Post. retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/miscarriage-cause_n_4116712
Stillbirth web page (2018) Facts about Stillbirth. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.html
Eldridge, L. MD (2018) What it Means to Have a Genetic Predisposition to Cancer. Verywell. retrieved from https://www.verywellhealth.com/genetic-predisposition-2249105
