GOLDEN PRINCESS
She is your daughter, granddaughter, neighbor’s child, or young friend struggling to become a confident woman ready that moves the world forward.
Girls have to navigate the murky waters of adolescence earlier than they did in past generations. The average age for menstruation in 1840 was 16.5 years. Today it’s thirteen. Social media, role models who lie and cheat, and artificial intelligence tricks us into believing something is real when it is not, making it difficult to become a trusting, loving adult. Yet, the job of a parent is to turn their daughters into caring human beings. It’s a difficult one to be sure.
From the industrial revolution on, parents have been more challenged by society’s impositions than the natural world. In recent times, the soothing effects of nature were pushed even further back with the advent of computers and electronic technology. Instead of a romp through the woods, today’s girls tune into media that bombards them with messages about health care, sex, and the need for upgraded phones. If I see one more Viagra, diabetes, or panty liner ad, I’ll puke. Knowing that half the messages are exaggerations, if not downright lies doesn’t help for I don’t have time to check them all out. And now, with AI’s ability to manipulate images and speech, it will be even more difficult to discern fact from fiction.
Do you remember The World is Too Much With Us by William Wordsworth? He wrote the poem in 1802 as a critique of the first industrial revolution drawing people into materialism rather than nature. The poem rings true today.
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.
Finding role models who demonstrate good manners, kindness, and caring isn’t for the faint at heart. What can you do when our leaders lie, embezzle, take bribes, and won’t compromise? Yet, we have to be ready for the difficult questions we are likely to be asked by our children.
Where do I come from? From God? From nature? From the imagination of an invisible force? Do people die and enter another realm? Are they reborn? Do parents watch over us after we are dead or are we nothing but dirt without a soul? Despite the beliefs, you grew up with, your child will be bombarded by conflicting views as they venture away from home. To have a peaceful society, they will have to get along with people with different beliefs. Faith-based religions, of which there are many, disavow scientific certainty. To not fight with neighbors, followers have to accept that there will be others who will never believe as they do. We homo sapiens are unique in the animal kingdom, in that we have a brain that considers philosophical issues that question the unknown.
Do I have any value of significance? Does self-worth come from success and achievement in school and career or from having lots of friends and being part of a caring community? Parents have to help their daughters value their own worth so they’ll have a rock to stand on when taking risks and exploring new surroundings.
Does morality exist? If so, whose mortality do I follow? That of my parents? President Donald Trump? Biden? Do I listen to the fundamentalist to the left of my home or the social activist to the right? The question of morality has been turned topsy-turvy by newscasters’ praise of ruthless billionaires and criminals in between giving air time to dwellers who give up material possessions to live more frugally. With the environment in crisis, what path will our daughters take?
Where am I going? Time has a different dimension for youth than for adults. The future appears far away to young people. Staying focused on grades so they can get into a good college when they don’t know what they want to do, seems absurd. Having close friends, dating, and dealing with a move that will cut them off from their friends are more important issues. Helping children handle moves, friendships, and rejections is an important job of parenting. Kids who’ve been ghosted, fail tests, or don’t make the soccer team need encouragement so they don’t give up. Developing confidence, self-esteem, and assurance will be necessary skills to have to lead a fruitful life.
Parents, grandparents, teachers, and significant others have their own questions. They would do well to think of these issues when interacting with them.
The goal of parenting daughters is to help them feel secure in their bodies so they will be able to take action in the future and make positive choices for themselves and those they are responsible for. The crux of the job is raising girls to think critically. Beauty is, as we know, only skin deep–self-worth runs deeper and can last through old age. Powerful women have a “can do” attitude, acknowledge and express feelings, and recognize those of others. They think positively about themselves and know they are a valuable part of society.
What more can parents do? They can expose their children to nature and introduce them to a variety of ethnic groups, sampling their food. They can teach them not to be ashamed of their bodies, but to treasure them with nourishing food and meaningful sexual relationships. Parents can encourage their children to read broadly and ask questions so they can discuss what they read with you. They can find out what shows they watch, censor violence, and discuss the values of the while they remain under your roof.
How do I help my daughter focus? Help her find pursuits she can master.Let her contribute to decisions about activities to pursue. When she shows an interest in something, encourage her to follow her passion and where it will take her. When a child experiences what it is like to lose themselves in something they love, they will want to duplicate the feeling many times over as she ages.
Modeling values you find important. What do you value?—Friendships? Family” Entertaining? Charity? A work ethic? The best way to teach morality and values is to model them. You can’t teach a person not to tell lies if you lie to them. You can’t tell them not to steal if you walk off with the money they’ve been saving to buy a new phone.
Encourage your daughter to problem solve rather than you doing everything for her. Start when she’s young by having her choose what to wear. As she ages, give her a budget to make purchases within set limits. Coddling your daughter will keep her from developing the coping skills she’ll need to handle unexpected situations. Set boundaries for behavior and don’t worry if she disagrees or gets angry. Teach her to express disagreement clearly, yet help her understand why she can’t always have things her way. By acknowledging her struggles, you can help her maintain a sense of proportion. I can’t stress enough how important it is to communicate in a way that lets her know she is heard. Listening more than talking is not easy, but it is necessary if you want to develop trust and have meaningful dialogue
Girls need to take physical risks as well as boys. When they fail, they may need help to overcome their reluctance and try again. If your daughter is afraid of heights, won’t get in a swimming pool, climb a jungle gym, or ride a bicycle, it’s time for extra coaching. Daily physical activity when young, sets the stage for adult health.
Limit your daughter’s exposure to social media. it will give her more time for creative endeavors and enough space to use her imagination. Set rules on screen time and pay attention to what she does watch when engaged. Her viewing interests might provide interesting topics to explore together.
Sexuality flaunted by the media makes it imperative to have sex talks early. introduce the biological facts and help your daughter understand the difference between the ups and downs of relationships rather than the over-sexualized, aggressive versions portrayed in films. Masturbation, heterosexuality, bisexual behavior, homosexuality, and transvestite issues are topics that should be on the table. Your child is bound to learn about them from their girlfriends, social media, or TV. Most curious children will dig until they get the truth. Don’t be surprised to find banned books under the mattress.
Most of all, join your daughter in activities you both enjoy. Do you both like to cook, hike, bicycle ride, or style hair? Be on the lookout for connections, changing them as she gets older. The close bond you establish while she is young, will provide companionship for the remainder of your life.
I look forward to hearing your comments about raising girls
References:
Harvey, M. (2013) Raising Girls is tough in modern society. Daily Record. The Last Word. retrieved from https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/raising-girls-is-tough-in-modern-society-1547113
PBS website. (20223) Raising a Powerful GIrl. PBSKids for Parents. retrieved from https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/raising-a-powerful-girl
Meeker, Meg MD.( 2020) Raising Daughters in Today’s World. Meeker Parenting. retrieved from https://meekerparenting.com/blog/raising-daughters-in-todays-world/
