What exactly is Happiness?

It’s the holidays. We smile, say Merry Christmas, and are expected to emote joy and contentment even if you don’t really feel that way. Scientists call this awareness “the subjective well-being.”  It’s your response to how you feel and how satisfied you are with life? It’s a recognition that you have more positive emotions than negative ones. And, it’s realizing that your existence is worthwhile and has meaning.

According to researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, happiness is a fleeting emotion consisting of two components, positive emotions ( love, joy, contentment, excitement ) and having a sense of satisfaction with your life. Yet, these two sentiments don’t always coincide. For instance, there were long periods of time when I was totally content with my job and family. I could not imagine having more meaningful and rewarding ways to fill the days. Unfortunately, I wasn’t always happy. The stress of moving between two very different orbits put me on edge. I rarely had time for myself. 

Perceptions of happiness are also affected by culture. When analyzing perceptual differences between Americans and Russians , Lybomirsky noticed that Americans equated happiness with concrete obtainable things such as a job, success, money, fun, and family, while Russians mentioned more spiritual ideals like beauty, mutual understanding among people, spiritual salvation, and world of peace.

“Joy has nothing to do with material things, or with man’s outward circumstance…A man living in the lap of luxury can be wretched, and a man in the depths of poverty can overflow with joy.” ~ William Barclay

Numerous magazines provide guidelines on how to have a blissful, contended life. They print articles telling readers the best way to raise happy children. They present the latest research showing that happy people pursue goals and overcome obstacles, keep connections with friends, and stave off physical and mental ailments. These articles make us feel guilty if we don’t stay in a perpetual state of cheerful bliss.   

After reading many euphoric write-ups, I started wondering if being happy is always good and found that many social scientists have explored this very question.  Following are four ways in which being happy may not be appropriate.

1. Too much happiness may be a bad thing. It is related to your creativity quotient and may actually have adverse effects on inventiveness. I know many artists who say they do their best work when struggling. Those with intense and overwhelming amounts of happiness (or too little) often become less flexible and lose their creative edge when facing new challenges. People in happiness overdrive, take risks they wouldn’t ordinarily engage in. For instance, there are gamblers who visit casinos when they are happy and stay away when sad. Believing that luck is finally with them, they gamble away savings they worked years to accumulate.

2. Happiness tends to be situational. A psychologist once asked me why I smiled when I told him of unhappy childhood experiences. I wasn’t able to feel loss by letting my sadness come out.  An emotion such as anger is useful when you have to overcome obstacles. Fear mobilizes fight and flight actions that help with survival. Though working towards a goal can add to your happiness, it is not an appropriate emotion in every situation. Finding enjoyment from watching another person suffer is far from normal. It a signal of having a major emotional disorder.

3. Some forms of happiness are good for you while others are not. Feeling happy can make us more energetic, feel closer to other people, and more generous. Having success after working hard leaves us feeling proud.  However, according to researcher                                                                                                                                                                    June Gruber, feelings of pride without merit can lead towards aggressiveness and antisocial behavior. Excessive pride can hinder a person’s ability to empathize with others.

4. The pursuit of happiness as its own goal, makes most people unhappy.  Those focused on happiness as an end in itself, according to a study conducted by Iris Maus,  are likely to set such high standards that they can’t be met. The more a person tries to be happy, the more difficult it is to achieve. This, in turn ,can lead to severe depression. It is not the search for happiness that makes people happy but rather the process of working for and attaining self-set goals. When goals are realized, they create moments of pure happiness and joy.  But, over time, the high and intense feelings subside and new new challenges have to be set. 

“Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow.” ~ by Paul H Dunn

Happiness is a matter of emotional balance that occurs at a specific time and place. Context and situation matter, and being grounded in reality is critical. Unfortunately, the process that brings about a happy state of mind often involves times of discomfort. It is by pushing through real or perceived barriers that an environment is created to let joy flow.

Happy people find satisfaction in small pleasures. They get absorbed in challenging activities, set and work to meet goals, maintain close social ties, and find purpose beyond themselves. They engage in physical challenges that promote good health. And they learn to understand and accept their emotions, strengths and weaknesses. This makes them strong and able to reach out to others with compassion and kindness.

“Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don’t collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don’t really mean anything.” ~ Norman Lear

References:

Lyubomirsky, S. (2019) What is Happiness? Greater Good Magazine, U.C.Berkely. retrieved from  https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/happiness/definition

Davis, Tchiki. (2019)Happiness. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/happiness

Gruber, J. (2012 Four Ways Happiness can Hurt Your. Greater Good Magazine, U.C.Berkely. retrieved from  https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_happiness_can_hurt_you

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