Beginnings
Acrylic, 30” by 40” / $ 499
When families were cave dwellers they developed communal mores and ways of communication that enabled the entire group to thrive.
Just Say Please
At a party a while ago I observed a father jump out of his chair and grab his daughter’s cell phone. She was texting a friend when he explained that it was a rude thing to do in the midst of company. After giving her several warnings, all of which were ignored, he took action. I wish he was there remove the phone from the woman sitting next to me at a luncheon and lecture I attended this week. She never looked up from her device to even say hello.
I applaud this father. How many parents do you know are willing to teach their kids common courtesies and follow through when they aren’t practiced? How often have you heard children talk back to their parents in loud angry voices or pout until they get their way? Slouching, mumbling responses and dressing in a way that says,” I don’t care what you think!” is the norm in may households.
Teachers, school principals and parents have lost their authority and acquiesce when confronting their children’s demands. These same parents defend their offspring against reprimand and punishment from authority even when their child is at fault. Do you wonder, as I do, what this does to youth raised in this manner? Do they learn to respect others and develop boundaries for themselves?
A Nigerian friend of mine once told me that in his country if a child visited a friend’s house, the friend’s parents were more strict than their own. It was ingrained in the culture that you pay close attention to the behavior of visiting children. Attention to conduct is viewed as a sign of caring.
Watching the interaction of adults in our own country is often a lesson in how to ignore the needs of others. The likelihood that a traveler will get out of his or her seat on a crowded bus or train to give pregnant woman or elderly person is miniscule. Speeding, weaving in and out of traffic and road rage is practiced on our highways with regularity. And cursing is common, not only in the movies, on YouTube and TV, but among politicians and within many American households. Fuck you brings a laugh to comedians and rappers that is copied by the young but inflicts great harm to the comment’s recipient. As a child my mother washed my mouth out with soap if I uttered a curse word. As far as I can tell the concept of “do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” is gone from many American families. But what mores do Americans cherish?
When asked if the main values held by society are pleasure and instant gratification, according to debate.org, 85% of people responded yes to this query. When questioned further they said that most Americans think it is OK to do whatever you want, whether it is pushing people aside when in a line, closing a door in someone’s face rather than holding open for the next person, engaging in non-committal sex, or sitting alone doing nothing for hours a day. It is not unusual to find students arriving late to class unconcerned about the lack of respect they are showing their instructor. Respondents add that social media is a place that encourages narcissism where it is easy to post endless selfies that receive accolades from thousands of friends who are basically unknown to you.
The remaining 15 percent responded to the question by answering no, that values are simply evolving and that we are in a period of transition. They believe it is only the older generation who think they are deteriorating because they’re not what they used to be when they were young. What do you think about this issue?
Following is a quote by an unknown person. “In school they call it bullying but at work they call it upper level management. This statement to be true for many people I know and am continuously surprised that businesses believe they can maintain a committed workforce by treating their employees poorly. Taking into account the whole person is not only humane but it tends to increase an individual’s willingness to put forth effort. There are many conditions affecting those engaged in work.
According to Small Business Chronicle at the University of San Francisco, courtesy falls by the wayside when people have personal problems at home. Managers are advised to demonstrate courtesy by paying attention to their employee’s state of mind. Worksites are encouraged to institutionalize ways of celebrating good happenings more often (everything from birthdays to dedication and hard work). Managers are taught to say thank you and to sprinkle verbal acknowledgments liberally as a sign for respect for co-workers. These small courtesies should be practiced within the home as well.
Technology usage demonstrating insensitivity to others appears to be an escalating problem within the workplace. The University’s business school stresses proper use of English in emails, avoidance of slang and emotional statements, turning off personal cellphones during work hours, and wearing headphones when listening to the radio. Again, this is good advice to observe at home, especially during mealtimes and while having a conversation. Patience is a learned virtue. Responses to texts and phone messages can easily be postponed. What’s the big hurry anyway?
I could hardly believe my eyes when I read that State of New Jersey, Civil Service Commission charges $159 for a six hour class in respect and professionalism. The class includes teaching students small things like learning to say “please” and “thank you” and larger issues such as how to communicate decisions. Does it surprise you that people need to enroll in this type of course?
Why aren’t children being raised to be courteous? Who is to blame? Parents? teachers? Actors? Religious leaders? Politicians certainly set a bad example to the nation by their bickering uncourteous behavior in congress. With this type of leadership in our nation’s capital it is not surprising that throughout the U.S. bullying and fighting take the place of conversation, compromise, and respect for differing opinions.
Resources:
http://smallbusiness.chron.com/demonstrating-courtesy-respect-workplace-34529.html – courtesy and respect in the workplace.
http://www.state.nj.us/csc/employees/training/classroom/respect_and_professionalism.html – Course on respect and professionalism.
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For sale on Amazon by Marilynne Eichinger: The True Story of Streetwise, overcoming homelessness and beating the odds. G0to AMAZON. What is it like to live on the streets? How do we help so many young people escape a life of hopelessness?
