Girl with Pearls – Her eyes are covered as she goes through life unable to absorb the overlapping universes of each individual.

Living Vicariously at the Center of the Universe

Anatole France once said, “Even a little dog is the center of his own universe.” These words were posted on wall of my college dorm room challenging me to remember that everyone sees the world from their own perspective. The only way I could enter another’s universe was to live with them vicariously through imagination. A few of my favorite actors and actresses, like Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks, have strong empathetic personalities that make them able to slip inside another person’s skin, so why shouldn’t I try?

The first time I realized that I was truly living vicariously was when my first born was nine months old. As a spring baby, he had never experienced snow, so when the first flakes descended I bundled him up and went outside to introduce him to the falling flakes. At first he became very quiet, looking around the yard in awe, eventually reaching out to catch the elusive patterns with his chubby hands. It was then that I knew that with his birth an additional gift had been given to me. His existence was going to enable me to relive childhood and expand my own universe as he developed his.

I was fortunate in having six children, five biological and one adopted child in later life. With my oldest son I experienced strength and vigor. His fantasy world of Dungeons and Dragons held all of the intrigue of a hollywood spectacular and I became captured by the intensity that he and his friends exhibited when playing. His earnestness permeated his waking moments and carried on to other activities in later life. I remember visiting his first apartment at a time he was learning to play tennis. Signs were taped to his bathroom mirror that said things such as, “I am a winner. I focus and am not distracted.” Whether learning to fly a plane, play guitar or ride a bicycle, he does it with total physical and emotional involvement, and each time, though not an expert, he becomes competent. Through him I sensed what it is like to jump into the fray wholeheartedly.


Shortly after my son’s birth I had a daughter who inspired me with her feistiness and astute brain. She understands psychological spheres in great depth, yet sees humor in most situations she encounters, enabling her to gain perspective on life’s unexpected happenings. When she was only seventeen she left college for a year to accept a job as a purchasing agent for a bank and its numerous branches. Sales people would call on her with bribes of gifts and luncheon invitations. She would laugh about their offerings, and demonstrated to me what it takes to stand firm and act ethically in the face of shady business practices. She did this without damaging an ongoing working relationships.

My second daughter helped me to hear more clearly. She has perfect pitch and while practicing the violin I knew that I was listening to a pure note. When she sang there was a smile in her bearing and it was as though the windows opened to spring flowers even on a dark, dank day. Since I was born unable to carry a tune, she gave me insight into what it was like to have expansive auditory senses and experience pleasure from sound. Her access to the world was a path that was foreign to me, but I rode piggyback in order to feel the vibrations of her emotion.

Empathy and caring were gifts my fourth child carried into the birthing room. From a young age this daughter was able to see into the souls of animals. She bleeds inside when an creature is ill and spends hours working to help it survive. With her tales I feel happiness, anxiety and sorrow as she adopts various animals into her life. Her sensitivity produces strong emotions, for she has never erected a protective barrier between herself and the suffering of others. She enables me to see frailty in the animal kingdom and continuously demonstrates that it is important to pay attention to small cues.

Number five offspring, a son, once told me, “ You and Dad work too hard. I’m not going to be like that.” And he is not. He does work with fervor, but is equally engaged with friends in creative activities. He embraces playful endeavors that combine artistry with technology, making him a master tinkerer. My son welds, wires, creates electronic light and sound shows, and fixes engines when not programing computers. Through him I have learned the value of play and of being with friends, getting rid of the guilt that came from having a stubborn work ethic. I vicariously enjoy his ever expanding universe as his circle of friends and unusual projects continue to grow.

The sixth child is a young man who entered my life when he was nineteen. Having lived a difficult childhood, he overcame horrendous beginnings because of an innate desire to survive. He demonstrated that people of every socioeconomic background act in their own self-interest when placed in dire situations, but he also showed me that when given a chance, inner strength can overcome adversity. His appreciation for the assistance he received over the past years has made him generous to those less fortunate. This young man believes that everyone should have a chance to prove his or her self worth, and now so do I.

My family and friends are good models for the theory of an ever expanding cosmos. Each time I vicariously enter their centers to be surrounded by their universes, my understanding of the natural world swells. My blinders are continuously widened when imagining myself in their heads, trying to see through their eyes. My greatest gifts have come from those who over the years let me share the depths of their souls before climbing on their shoulders to look further afield.

Please share your own stories about those who have allowed you to visit the center of their universe.

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