I painted the above picture several years ago. It reminds me that disagreements are natural, and it takes courage to end arguments without leaving bitter feelings behind.
How do you talk to people you vehemently disagree with? It s not easy, especially during holidays when you are forced to sit next to relatives and friends who bring political opinions to the dinner table. It could be fun and make for a lively conversation, yet such conversations are often stressful and don’t end well.
Most of us want to be accepted, not antagonized. We like being heard and understood for who we are and what we value. But at social functions we hold back, not saying what’s on our minds for fear the event may dissolve into a fight. What’s wrong with this picture? Why can’t we talk to one another about difficult topics?
As a child, I was taught that democracy was strong enough to allow for freedom of expression. I learned that the United States is a melting pot of cultures that comprise “one nation, indivisible with liberty and justice for all (under God was added in 1954). The American experiment requires us to learn from one another rather than dismissing contrary opinions. Our teachers told us to listen with open ears and an open heart. Todays political climate makes this especially difficult, but not impossible.
At my exercise club, I occasionally cycle next to a man whose political leanings are at odds with mine, yet we ket a kick out of telling each other how we would rule if we held positions of power. Like many voters, we pretend to know how to run the country better than our elected politicians. Both of us are well r read, though our information comes from different sources. We are both economically secure, though he is a great deal wealthier. Our religious belief in predestination and notions of the hereafter differ as well. No matter – we respect each other’s opinions and truly like each other.
The best part of our relationship is that we are not afraid to say what is on our mind and don’t look for agreement. Debating, cajoling, and sharing ideas is a search for ways to bridge our political differences in order to solve social and economic problems.
How we arrive at our utopian solutions is at the crux of our arguments. We discuss trickle down and bottom up solutions in minutia. We don’t lecture, get angry, raise our voices or try to overpower the other person. Discussions are reasoned and backed up with what we most recently read, which isn’t always accurate. It is not unusual to call a statement misinformed and fact check for the truth.
We communicate well because of the many values we do share. We both believe in family, in education, in peace over war, in working hard, and in economic prosperity for all. We realize that the world has changed and that young people have a different set of problems to overcome than we did. And, we know there will always be people who need our support.
Political discussions can be entertaining and enlightening if you set and adhere to ground rules for your debate. A few suggestions follow:
- Be respectful and don’t interrupt.
- Don’t hog the conversation
- State your opinion and why you came to that conclusion.
- Don’t denigrate another person’s opinion ( no comments like, “I can’t believe you said that” or : Who do you think you are”?”)
- Don’t label people you disagree with as stupid, uneducated, naive, racist, liberal, reactionary, out of touch, etc.
- Stay calm. Find ways to defuse tension. Don’t let emotions guide you.
- Acknowledge positives when you hear them.
- Support arguments with factual information (you can fact check) rather than gossip.
- No predicting the future. The facts aren’t in and no one knows the outcome of the next election.
The goal is not to convince but to listen and learn. Remember that everyone sees the world from his or her own center. Though the person sitting opposite you at table may be your sister, her experiences were never the same as yours. The best you can do is try to understand. And, though you may disagree with Uncle Rudy’s politics, he is still worthy of a your love and the gift of a smile.
References.
Leahy,R. (2018) Talking Politics During the Holidays. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201812/talking-politics-during-the-holidays
Waters,L (2018) Being with politics during the holidays. Daily Record. retrieved from https://www.dailyrecordnews.com/scrapbook/being-with-politics-during-the-holidays/article_a7ac3a60-62d5-5cfc-95f5-c84426a8dbfa.html
Art is always for sale. contact me at marilynne@eicingerfienart.com.
First Fight – 26” x 36” / acrylic on Canvas / framed / $326
